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Doreen's Picks of Funniest Icebreakers to Avoid

I came across a funny article and pulled out of a list of 100 Icebreakers to Avoid....the best ones...

"You're not going to believe how many pig anuses the average hot dog contains."
"I read the most interesting story today on the E! Channel news scroll."
"Is it hot in here, or is my body just completely covered in petroleum jelly?"
"Can you see my junk through these jeans? No? How about now?"
"Let's talk about knives."
"Well, well, well. If it isn't the guy who took the last Zima!"
"Sit back, relax, and allow me to explain the importance of composting."
"No fucking Fritos. I knew it!"
"I don't really see why we need art."
"I just found these Sharpies—let's circle each other's flaws."
"Man! Why won't this DJ play some George Thorogood already?"
"Binaca blast?"
[Tapping skull.] "Feel for the metal plate."
"So, I'm like, 'I'll show you who's afraid to stare directly at the sun!'"
"I see that you're admiring my Native American headdress. I made it myself with found items." "Do my palms smell weird?"
"I wouldn't call them actual voices. More like hyenas scratching at the walls of my brain."
[Applying hand sanitizer.] "Nothing personal."
"I'd now like to impersonate Homer Simpson."