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Do You Love Me?

An ongoing debate I have with a friend I thought I'd take to my blog... where wisdom reigns, Oh how it reigns! Tell me Dear Ones... I have a values question for y'all.

In the case of a couple who is dating or in love... I ask you to ponder this: Is it necessary to repeat, "I love you," more than say, once in a lifetime, or once in a while? Is it appropriate or inappropriate to even ask the question of your beloved, "Do you Love Me?" just for the sake of romance or affirmation or to spark play, even though he or she has told you previously that they DO?

What do you think about someone who holds the position that it is not grown up to ask, ponder or want that affirmation? What do you think of the attitude of someone who believes, "I told you I loved you before, and when I stop loving you, I'll let you know," and that to not need to hear, "I love you," is entry to adulthood and not the needy emotionalism of the child within us.



Jilly said...

i think saying "i love you" is something that should happen at least once, but all times after are up to the person saying and receiving.

my dad has only said it once or twice to me, he's not a wordy or sappy person. trough his actions, i know he loves me, and i don't need him to say it to know he does. however, other people in my live say "i love you" often but their actions are contrary to their words. anyone can say it, but if they don't mean it, what's the point?

i don't look down on someone who "needs" to hear it, but if they're with someone who isn't one to say it, then they need to make peace or let it go. I say "i love you" often to the people i love, and i try to make my actions and behavior match the words. Often I struggle to be kind to my guy when angry with him. He's a good guy, and i need to own my behavior, even when angry. it's better to not say something than to beg for forgivness later on.

my mother is a good person, but when she's angry, she says insensitive and hurtful things, and i inherited this trait via a miture of genetics and environment. i am happy to say that since becoming a mother, i have won many battles against my temper and have been able to curbe my need to say terrible things. my guy appreciates being treated like a human and an equal even when we argue, and i hope that i continue to improve.


Anonymous said...

In answer to the exact question on the blog, whoever it is who says, I told you once I love you, that’s enough, is an asshole-idiot. People need to hear affirmations of love. They cost nothing. Where love truly lives, it can and should be celebrated, even if just a little. "I told you once" takes more effort to say than "I love you." So what is the fucking problem? The moron will find himself at age 70 hitting singles bars and wonder where he fucked up.

mavis sidebottom said...

Cos it's always the man isn't it anon?You should only say it if you really mean it at the time you say it , constant repetition merely makes it a platitude. id rather be told it twice in an entire relationship and have the person really mean it at the time than be told it daily by someone who says it the way a shop assistant says have a nice day

Spidey said...

i tell my husband i love him every day and i mean it and he says it to me every day and i believe he means it too. i don't want a day to go by where i didn't say it and something happens, and i can never say it again.
we also have a secret code to say it when others are listening and we don't want them to know.

okay, you can barf now.

doreenmary said...

Interesting thoughts from each of you... There's a great book by author, Gary Chapman, called THE FIVE LOVE LANGUAGES...the book outlines the languages which speak to each of us. Some of us (I am one) speak the language of "Words of Affirmation".... so for me, I like to hear it or read it to know I am loved. I don't think "I love you" can be repeated often enough. The other four love languages are: Acts of Service, Time, Touch and Gifts.

Jilly said...

jesus h christ i've had to sit through 4 presentations on those goddamned love languages this year alone. i can't wait until they get a new "in" book t cram down our throats at pointless professional development days.

i love how alex takes what i want to say, and says it better than i could. frequency doesn't always mean truth. spidey and big joe love each other and say it often, but prbably back it up too, and i'm happy for them.