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Seeking A Little Peace...

Aren't you loving this "spring forward" thing? Sunlight lingering later really gives a sense of a longer day. It is warm here... 82 degrees. Beachy. And I am already wanting to see how and when I can sneak off alone one day to recline in a sand chair on the beach with ice water and a paperback. Soon.

I went to 7-11 one night this week for a pack of cigs. In Florida, a new tax raised a pack 90 cents or $9 per carton. The cashier said next month another tax increase goes into effect of 80 cents more. So, a generic pack ran me over $5 and I started thinking of this madness... the cost factor, not only in terms of it being insanely expensive a habit, but the cost to health, especially after all these years. Quitting smoking has been accomplished half a dozen times in my life... easy when I was pregnant both times... but stopping permanently hasn't happened. I am THINKING about quitting and this is a mental process which must precede the physical act. That, I do know... the head must be convinced before the body follows the instructions. Let's let that thought roll around a while...

I have one more week of the semester I'm teaching and then a couple weeks break... much needed. Then, next semester I am teaching virtually every day or night and have 3 different subjects I'll be teaching, so it's going to be tough wrapping that around my other job and still moving forward with dissertation research (which I am now grossly behind on). It saddens me that one job has never been enough to meet the basics of living, no matter how many damn degrees I have or how I've tried to position my talents in the marketplace. I'm so so soooooo very tired working so hard and I don't even know how I arrived here... Thursday night now... where did this week go? It's all a blur of papers and spreadsheets and emails from the week.

As soon as I sign off from here, I'm tucking myself in bed with a magazine of no academic redeeming quality, just girl stuff... fashion, make up ads, etc. I need it. Total escape.

There are some changes ahead in coming months... in talking with my landlord he said he is wanting to sell in a "short sale" and my lease is up July 31st. I loathe the idea of packing and moving AGAIN... shit, we just moved here 7 months ago. This is the first time I've been a renter since I was a teen...but after the divorce and now with the kids just about 2 years from leaving the nest, renting is the only situation that makes sense... and of course, that divorce totally destroyed my lifelong perfect credit history... it's crap and I couldn't buy if I wanted to. I am now talking with a guy about repairing credit/consolidating any debts, negotiating lower rates, whatever I have to do. But not tonight... no worries.

I have been enjoying herbal tea this evening and want to ease into some rest. I can feel that edge of insanity that if one more project lands in my lap I shall lose my cool. Rest. Peace. Sleep.

You, too. For if I am this tired and weak right now, I bet you are working hard, too. So let's all seek a little peace even if it's no farther than just a corner in our home or out on the porch looking at the beautiful big round moon.

Tomorrow I will catch up on personal correspondences... you know who you are! My sincere apologies for my half-assedness in friendship these days. I.O.U.


mavis sidebottom said...

you have to really want to give up smoking before you can. renting is a nightmare for worrying if your lease is going to be renewed , this time I am renting through a property company though so it's unlikely they will want to sell but it's always there at the back of your mind coupled with bad credit it makes everything ten times harder than it needs to be.On the b bright side though at least you aren't paying $8 for 20 marlboro

Jilly said...

i hate smoking and for the most part, drinking too. i can't help it. my dad's a "recovering" alcoholic and my mom's a life-long chain smoker.

i feel that my asthma and other allergies were caused by her smoking (god a lot of research backs these feeling up). i only visit her home once a year because of the smoking. last christmas i had to suck on my inhaler the whole day just to get by.

she can do what she wants in her house, but i don't allow it in mine and hate that she does it around my child. plus, smokers are dirty they toss their trash (butts) everywhere and it's nasty. if they were really only hurting htemselves, i'd get over it, but they're not.

i don't fight with my mom, i don't nag her to stop, i don't make comments about how much i hate her addiction, but i do distance myself from her and i hate having her over my house because she smokes in my yard and tosses her trash about. she isn't going to change, so i ignore the topic and remove myself from it as much as possible.

oh and the fact that she smoked while pregnant all tree times she was pregnant and that we were all premature and low birthwieght babies is a mere concidence to her mind. addictions are terrible and they hurt many people in a person's life, even if the addiction is to something that isn't illegal.

you have to want to stop and to get a point that you can manage to live without it. some people never do, and some are able to work it out in stretches of time. you have to sit and evaluate what smoking mean to you and your family to see if you can get to a place to quit.

i've never been in a bad credit/renting place and i think you and alex are awesome to navagate it as well as you do. my current renters have bad credit, but i took a chance, and am mostly gld i did. i don't care if someone is single, married, has kids, is gay etc. and will take a risk on credit. i just want someone to respect my property and to give me money. if only more landlords were cool like me.


Anonymous said...

The upside of the bad economy is that it is getting easier to negotiate with creditors. Especially, if you explain about going through a divorce.