It's not enough, I think, to have standard classroom rules (you know...raise your hand to speak, cell phones turned off, blah, blah, blah). But in the last several weeks, due to some...er...things occurring in my classrooms, I've had to add the following new rules in my classroom (I'm serious!)

* No cordless Norelco razor operations for beard shaving during lectures.
* No arriving stoned or drunk.
* No text message beeps (sound of a woman climaxing--literally every time one of my students gets a text message--she doesn't know how to shut off the sound)
* No turkey legs with mashed potatoes and gravy as a snack during group projects.

That's all, so far.