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Love Relationships: An Article With Good Advice
Love is Work
by Sandra KiumeMarch 19, 2008
Pohsuan Zaide is a Vancouver psychotherapist and photographer who writes a column in a local paper. She offers some excellent tips on relationships; these are from If Love is a Verb, Then What are the Actions?.
1. Openly talk about our vision of relationship with the other, and be willing to co-create a joint vision together. What are our individual and joint goals? What values are important to safeguard?
2. Dialogue regularly about how we will manage various aspects of the relationship such as money, conflict management, open communication, roles and expectations, and so on.
3. Work through problems fairly and non-defensively. We are also willing to get help if we hit a stuck point.
4. Treat each other respectfully, compassionately, and lovingly. Choose kindness and lovingness instead of bitterness and resentment, especially during difficult times.
5. Build the trust brings us closer to each other. Trust is not a house of cards built on promises. Rather, it is an alliance forged on kindness, compassion, forgiveness, strength, integrity, honesty, and yes, sometimes compromise and sacrifice.
6. Enjoy the peace and love that comes from two separate, unique and mature individuals who have chosen to share their lives with each other.
There are no done deals, no happy ever after, no guarantees that the beautiful spouse, grand house, white picket fence and 2.5 kids will ensure you a life free of emotional pain or turmoil. It’s all about how mindful or conscious we want to be about who we are, what we choose to do, and how we learn to love someone.
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3 comments:
Hmmmm - I'm not sure about this, Doreen. For the moment, I prefer to brood in uselessness, gnash my teeth and rend my garments over having my heart shredded, burned and urinated on by the heartless partner whose images are burned into my consciousness.
But maybe your way would work, too.
R
No gnashing! There is far too much of that, R. Here's the thing... we have become a society which is tired and cranky and overscheduled and therefore without energy and strength to work through relationship issues. We've got to change this. Change focus and priorities in life.
I'm convinced that the institution of marriage and/or committed relationships is becoming passe' and that no one believes in love and magic any more. This is disheartening to say the least.
For without a partner to hold your hand and weather storms with, I see a lonely existence. We are all children with a grand capacity to love and share and continue to grow in spiritual partnership with another. Our own fulfillment in life's experience is enriched when shared, I think.
Loving another puts us in touch and in tune with so many things. Someone once said, "Loving someone is singing their song to them when they've seemed to forget the words."
I will not stop believing and hoping and my silly romantic notions shall infiltrate all I think and do.
I hope you find peace and love, R. But in some cynical, almost humorous way...your comment is reflective of much truth in today's world.
Call me corny...I'll be posting more of this same kind of stuff. And writing my own, too.
Doreen
And I'll read you faithfully and learn, Doreen.
We are indeed all in this life together.
R
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