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How Do You Fall OUT of Love with Someone?

This is a philosophical question and one I know many people ponder... especially those who suffer at the hand of an abuser, or an inappropriate lover... whatever:

How does one fall out of love with someone?

I suppose this blog post follows one I made quite some time ago on the debate: Love is a choice VERSUS Love is NOT a choice. Only now we're looking at the back side of things. When things go bad--or someone hurts or betrays another really badly.

For the forlorn... someone who is pining mercilessly, what wisdom is out there from you readers? Can a person UNLOVE someone? Or must they simply practice habits of logic and well-being to walk away, use some sort of behavioral management (e.g. thought-stopping) to control the angst? Must they endure heart ache for a time until a callous builds? And how long does it take?

Do you have a story to share?


It's not part of my dissertation research on love theories, rather... this is good one based on a real good conversation I had with a friend today.

Would love your comments. You guys always shock the hell out of me. I think there are no easy answers in matters of the heart... emotions and logic are incongruent. But... maybe you'll enlighten here.


mavis sidebottom said...

you just wake up one morning and think what the fucking hell was I thinking the man is a complete and utter twat, or maybe that's just me

Spidey said...

perhaps one never stops loving another. you just let go.

Jilly said...

i think alex is right. we have the capacity to put up with massive amounts of shit in the name of love and at some point, either the love just isn't enough, or the love was killed.

i do think it's possible for love to change though. We love people and things differently, and often treat the word cheap with it's many meanings (we do this with the word "hate" to).

I think what was once passion with other types of love mixed in can fade to friendship or companionship or nothing at all. sometimes you can blame and sometimes you can't.

mavis sidebottom said...

Its helps to stop looking backward with rose tinted glasses and start looking forward too

aliasmoi said...

I agree with Alex, but sometimes even before you get to that point you have to let go - such as in the cases of abusive relationships or when the other person leaves you. Sometimes you just have to fake it until you make it.

I have lots of stories I could share, but I'm not going to.

doreenmary said...

Spidey, you are often brought up in meaningful conversation between my sister (who reads my blog) and me--for you speak of good things always and you inspire. On this topic, Denise said she really liked what you said about never stopping loving and just letting go... and she said that maybe women tend to love too much, because the partner didn't/ couldn't love and so there is a tendency to overcompensate, thereby loving too much, loving without protection of the self. Anyway... you are an all-together woman who brings much to this blog and to my life. Thank you.

doreenmary said...

But let me not be remiss to say to the beloved Mavis and Jilly Beans... your no-nonsense logic and practicality is strong, powerful and real. I love you guys!

doreenmary said...

Aliasmoi, too!


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