First, on important fun stuff....

On the first episode of Season #5, The Bachelorette, I immediately liked Wes (the Texan cowboy) who looks and talks like a young Elvis, and Jake (the pilot) who isn't a show off about his success, but a seemingly humble individual. But things have a way of playing out all twisted-like and maybe next week we'll hate the ones we love today. The previews for next week excite me... the drama, the intensity, the testosterone. This show really fulfills the romantic in me.

Some think it's a ridiculous series and think that love cannot form over the course of such a short time period, but there is much psychology underneath all things in the ways humans attract to one another. It is the essence of a person which is intangible, unspeakable, and it has absolutely nothing to do with what a person looks like, what his job is, what his I.Q. score is. The mysteries of chemistry at work is a fascinating unfoldment.

How is it sometimes that ONE in a pair can feel the connection and the other doesn't? I never quite understood that. I remember the young men I adored in high school didn't go for me...well, not so much. And the ones who wrote me notes and poems or called or who really, really liked me, I didn't feel it for them. It's a wonder couples ever really do find a match. Anyway, I did get a kick out of this show on many levels and it reminds me of younger days.

Love it when The Bachelorette is a 2 hour special, like tonight. I teach until 10:00 PM on Monday nights, dammit... had to figure out the DVR thingy... but it was worth it. And next week, with it being Memorial Day, I will be at home, a date with my TV and it will be good.

Grrrrrr. I cannot sleep... it's one of them tossing/turning frustrating things. I got up, fired up the computer. I took two aspirin and drank a glass of milk and hoping my own blogging will make me sleepy. My mind is racing a thousand thoughts. I dwell on matters of the heart and I have a couple of those topics on my mind tonight. Private stuff I won't bother you with, but suffice it to say, I think I'm a martyr. Problems of other people I tend to feel as if they were my own. I don't quite know how it is that I take on emotions that shouldn't belong to me, but I always do. And I haven't quite figured out how to NOT care so much... not worry for others. I wish I could trust that other people will find their own way and that I don't need be so friggen intrusive and motherly. I really need to fix this "fixing" habit of mine. It's like teaching a pig to sing.. it doesn't work and it just annoys the pig.

On a happy note, I am quite excited about moving... told my landlord, so my conscience is clear. I'm mostly excited as I imagine my shit in the place.... all arranged. New dedications to how organized this house will be. A place for everything.... no piles of unread mail, for example.

That garden I've always dreamed of... there's a perfect place for an arch where I will try growing climbing roses. I want peach trees (some do grow and produce fruit in Florida. I sold a house once when I was in real estate that had the sweetest peaches ever!). I want avocado trees, a banana tree, and I want lots of Gardenia trees and bushes, my favorite flower. I want an area of those super giant sunflowers. And I want to use that red mulch that is so pretty and make stepping stone pathways with an assortment of gnomes all around... a big collection. And wind chimes and a waterfall. Not all at once will I do this, 'a course... there is the expense to consider.

And inside, I want the back room to be a "library"... a place to read and all my books categorized.

That's all.

OK. Maybe I'll try to snooze now.