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Ecstasy and Misery Intertwined

Has it been true in your life as it is for me, that when times of celebration arrive (like now)... new wonders, new starts, good news and times to give a toast to the brightness of the future... that alongside such joy, often comes a weight of misery of some other dimension to level the playing field? God forbid we should get a head full of drunken or temporary happiness without the universe providing a humbling dose of reality. I'll spare you the events of recent which hurt my heart.

On a broad scale, life isn't boring. For the most part, life is sweet in my new home and finances are getting cleaned up. Yet, on a deeper, soulful innermost life note... there is unease and I cannot speak of such private things right now for it is difficult to sort through feelings and emotions so high. If I could buy me some logic, I would...

I've blogged less because I have a lot of philosophical dilemma now regarding the purpose of it all, meaning of life shit... what really matters crap and who is alongside you in the journey of life? Does anyone really know what time it is... does anyone REALLY care? I see things differently than I once did... harder, meaner... I've been hurt. Shit.

Who wants to hear the rants of a red-faced, ear-steam-emitting, pissed off woman when truly there is beauty in life if I'd just sit down a moment and get some fricken perspective?

Thank you for caring, for your notes and emails and glasses of Merlot. I have not blogged, for in times of deep contemplation, I have no diatribe or some grandiose lecture of great wisdom. In fact, who did I ever think I was with all of that?

I'm just a regular working slob plugging away at my small world and my big ideas currently lie dormant. I'm a mom and I have work to do to serve employers. And in times left over, I shall sleep and eat to re-energize to be better to those who need.

By the way, I'm still not smoking since July 1st.



Anonymous said...

Are you having a mid life crisis? What's the meaning of Life? There is no meaning, it is exactly what you make of it. You are the captain of your own ship. Steer it where ever the heck you want and enjoy the ride rather than dwelling on the negative. Everyone's been hurt before and hurt someone else. That's life. You don't seem the type to let things you can't control bother you, and yet you do. Why? Jo-Ann

doreenmary said...

Yes, I am. I know I will come out of this with grace.... better... enlightened. I have some stuff to work through. Thanks.