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On Being Robbed. On Being Duped. On Trust and Mistrust.
I've done some thinking this week about the experience of being robbed and its effect. When we think of robbery, we can conjure up an image of a masked man whisking by an old lady walking down a street. He scoops her handbag into his chest in a flash, runs away with what precious little goods that old lady had to call her own.
That's a pretty good pictorial sense of "being taken". Yet there are many, many forms of robbery, of being taken, of being ripped off. We are robbed, metaphorically, from different people or institutions or systems throughout our life. Because of this, we come to know the reality that life isn't fair. We learn that not all people who look normal are, or who are sweet talkers to us really walk the talk. Sincerity can be a great act. "I care" or , even, "I love you," may be just words in the most egregious of robberies.
If it's a purse snatch, or a rape of the wallet for home improvement services never finished... it sucks. For some of us, we grow up in the face of deceit and thievery, sometimes going years before we realize that we have been used or abused in a feigned love scenario, when all along it was something else someone collected from us (money, sex, whatever). If we are lucky enough to confront the demon... there is momentary ease to speak out against it. But most robberies are silent pains. We go away from these experiences wiser and a bit jaded and less likely to be vulnerable again. Rarely, do we get back what was stolen.
Also as a consequence, we to tend act differently in the future... we learn to protect our assets, our money, our children, protect our love with our life. We may allow fewer and fewer close into our trust, into our heart, into our life... or take a really long time to let someone in who earns that trust over time. We learn to treasure things dear because we know that good things are valued, and not everyone will work to earn their fair share, they'd rather just "take" when opportunity arises. They are entitled, they believe. They aren't accountable.
If it's a purse snatch, or a rape of the wallet for home improvement services never finished... it sucks. For some of us, we grow up in the face of deceit and thievery, sometimes going years before we realize that we have been used or abused in a feigned love scenario, when all along it was something else someone collected from us (money, sex, whatever). If we are lucky enough to confront the demon... there is momentary ease to speak out against it. But most robberies are silent pains. We go away from these experiences wiser and a bit jaded and less likely to be vulnerable again. Rarely, do we get back what was stolen.
Also as a consequence, we to tend act differently in the future... we learn to protect our assets, our money, our children, protect our love with our life. We may allow fewer and fewer close into our trust, into our heart, into our life... or take a really long time to let someone in who earns that trust over time. We learn to treasure things dear because we know that good things are valued, and not everyone will work to earn their fair share, they'd rather just "take" when opportunity arises. They are entitled, they believe. They aren't accountable.
Details don't matter. But the thing is... I was robbed this week in the truest sense of the word. And while I know I'll pull it all together in my head, it really sucks right now. I don't feel like extending one iota of trust to anyone near me.... and maybe for a time.. today, tomorrow, I just stay clear and do something else to get my mind in a more positive place.
That's all I care to say about that.
That's all I care to say about that.
8/16/2009 10:13:00 AM
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2 comments:
i was mugged once and it sucked ass let me tell you. it was on the metro in dc, which is in MD, DC and VA. because the train crossed state lines, i couldn't go to my local police. i had to take time off work and fill out forms and then go get a new driver's license and because i'd just started a new job and had my SS card, I had to go get a new SS card etc. they never found the punk that did it, but i hope that person rots in hell.
i was also taken advantage from by a relative who had legal problems with drugs and some other bad things. for many years i refused to talk to or about this person, it was like this person died. last year i realized that i was only hurting myself because there is a lot of pressure to "get over it." i now say hello to this person at family events, but i don't say any more or give any gifts. this person stole my trust as well as my money and possessions.
i'm not going to tell you to "get over it." i'm going to tell you to do what you need to feel safe and find some comfort. it's okay to wish the person to hell if you choose to or to ignore them forever if that's your choice too.
in the end, i think i'm most bitter that so many people felt the need to tell me how to feel/respond, like they had the right or it was their business.
feel free to grieve but don't let anyone dictate how or when it should happen.
jilly
jilly
Sorry to hear that... but how about the robberies we can not even comprehend? The ones we were raised on? The catch phrases and "true-isms" that are really not true at all.
I like your train of thought Doreen, but you seem to just miss the big picture by fractions of an inch.
This is just my observation as one who could easily be written off as clinically "flighty," but I have to say I can sum up many of your posts with a simple idea...
You are fighting the good fight inside a paradigm -- make a door and go through it.
As my holyness once taught me, "A word to the wise is sufficiant." But that's Catholics for ya. :)
You know what it is Dooreen... I'll go out on a limb here... I see you as this little girl with a hand glider who just can't bring herself to jump off the cliff even if it means the ride of a lifetime will follow. I just want to run up behind you and give your thinking a nudge.
-Anonymous Guru
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