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Life Updates... In Case Anyone Cares.

When I'm quiet on my blog (as I have been)... that's not a good thing. I blog because I HAVE to blog... I must write to find out what I'm thinking (that line is actually credited to author, Joan Didion). But it's true, as I write, there is self-discovery somewhere. I think that is true for many writers who are self-reflective or tortured souls.

I'm NOT where I'm supposed to be this week. I'm supposed to be in Kansas on top of my game, dressed up and smiling and talking with a buncha scholars with my bigass presentation I prepared. I canceled my trip. And, although I'd love to bitch and complain and point fingers and name some names here at my blog about what happened, I won't. Suffice it to say, I had a little run in with one of the top dogs at the association about their scheduled event and some inefficiencies. Apparently, there is still "old school" law in academia and I didn't bow and curtsy just right in our communications, which ended up in a battle of academic egos...and believe-you-me, I have an ego the size of Minnesota... it's healthy and when I'm right, I'm right. So, I'm right and I'm not in Kansas this week as a consequence.

And it's a good thing, too... that trip woulda been $1,000. I just got my property tax bill in the mail and I might as well owe a million dollars. It just never ends. Work your ass off, suffer credit issues from a divorce, get an attorney to straighten out things... throw money to everyone. I could go on... I am frustrated by house projects that need dollars thrown into them.

My kids are at an age of everyone working different schedules, there's no chance of sitting down at a dinner table or catching up in a nice way. I feel alone amid people.... sometimes lost.

My (marketing) job is exhausting me and for the good work I do, it's only the tip of an iceberg of all i could be doing to really make the best contribution to the company. I took the semester off from teaching and the college is requesting commitment to come back... but here's the thing: there is a backload of students wanting to take my classes and I fear they will double me up with hundreds of students next semester and there is no add'l compensation for number of students... This is a real threat, for over the years, my caseload of students has quadrupled, which has meant 100 term papers in a semester to grade and when I break it down to dollars per hour, a scully maid makes more money. So I'm not a happy camper about teaching right now, even though I love the work and my students.

WARNING!

I can only please one person per day... today is not YOUR day. Tomorrow doesn't look good either.

Oh, and P.S. I just discovered my CHEEEEEWAWAS have been little piss pots under my bed. I'm ripping carpet out of my bedroom this weekend and I'll figure out new DIY flooring that I can handle.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Look into carpet tiles, they are cheap, and range from traditional to funky in styles. then when your ridiculous looking dogs have other "accidents" you can replace carpet in small doses.

Do you still talk to your ex? Do your kids?

doreenmary said...

Dear Anonymous,

I have used and been happy with carpet tiles... yes, funky styles. Great website is www.flor.com. But today I am feeling underwhelmed about the prospect of carpet because of these little dogs. Hard floors can be mopped and disinfected.... no allergens, hidden odors, etc.

Today at Home Depot I picked up the peel & stick tile... I know, how hillbilly & cheap, but it's the best I can pay for right not. The product has improved over the years. A vinyl/imitation wood is temporary until finances improve and I can match the cherrywood real wood in the house. This tile looks like cherrywood (I think so...) so let me pretend for now.

I have been cutting and rolling up carpet much of today. It is great to release tension through physical activity--didn't realize I was so tightly wound lately. But it it's a larger job than I was hoping for. I see much prep needing done to the floor.

As for my ex and your question, we do communicate regularly. I will never hold onto hard feelings... he is my children's father and beloved forever, no matter what ever happens. The kids see him occasionally for dinner and they have their own communications with him quite frequently - text and phone. I have invited him and his father to Christmas dinner with us... maybe that's weird, but just because we're not married, doesn't mean we're not "family".... 27 years together was a longass time. The process of my evolving into a single woman is still ongoing... I think I can count on Mark to always care, just as I will. It saddens me to see couples with hatred towards one another. Just because you can't be married anymore doesn't mean you should forget the many blessings of the good years. We had some of those.

You probably just wanted a yes or no answer and here I am blathering to "anonymous". Geeze.

Jilly said...

i want to be rid of all carpet in my house so i can steam mop the whole house a few times a week. my allergies and asthma would improve greatly. i only have four rooms left with carpet, but the idea of pulling that up and putting something down is daunting to me. i'm so proud of you for doing it yourself because i don't think i could take care of a challenge like that on my own. good luck and post pics of the before and after.

jilly

Spidey said...

sorry to hear your presentation didn't work out. but on the bright side, you saved 1000 bucks.

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