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In the Darkness...

In the darkness… when your mind won’t rest, but your body is weary and needs sleep….all little problems seem insurmountable. I am my own worst enemy taking on so matters into my own hands. I’m not magic and I’m not infallible and I certainly don’t have the power that sometimes my ego thinks it has. And it is a recipe for failure and deception that this ridiculous perseverance often leads to.

Being smart doesn’t guarantee perfect outcomes. Being good doesn’t mean it comes back to you in the same way or when you need it most. But you get up every day and you hope to make a difference…and learn and be better than you were before.

I am constructed such that I’m no quitter. And I don’t take no for answer…at least not very easily. And I can take a pretty good beating for a long time—before I hold up a white flag. To some I appear strong and capable, but then there are those who really know…my fragility…hidden…in the darkness.

My hands can barely hold the flag pole, let alone find strength to try to wave it.

Doesn’t anyone see?

2 comments:

Roger aka the Elu said...

And yet, Doreen darling, you persevere and, I hope, see renewal in every sunrise. The hours of the night are the worst.

"For the sword outwears its sheath,
and the heart wears out the breast . . ."

When I next am awake at those magical hours, I promise to think of you and others.

R

doreenmary said...

Hi R,

You're the best... so wonderfully compassionate. And you're right. It is amazing what a new day brings--a renewal in sunrise. It's important to get rest and hydration and eat right. I'm prone to depleting everything and then I'm no good to anyone, including myself.

Today is a good day. A very good one.

D.

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