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Pathological Liars and Manipulators
Have you ever been duped? I have. Quite recently, as a matter of fact. I cannot speak of it openly, unfortunately, for the situation not only is confidential, but highly embarrassing, personally. Suffice to say that in my "Doreen-ness" (Pollyanna stupidity...heart on sleeve...never learns) I got myself caught up into someone else's agenda under the belief that the cause was noble. I believed a story they told me. I extended myself to get involved. I thought I was some sort of special someone during this. I later learned that I was used. I later learned that this "friend" wasn't a friend at all, and I still struggle a bit in calling a spade a spade, for this ridiculous compassion lies within me... Maybe he didn't know any better? Maybe he didn't really mean it? Maybe there was something good in all of this? But I know when my heart beats extra and heat rises within me, that instincts tell me it's a bad sitch. Oh God, how stupid we can be when we blindly trust others without really allowing them to earn it?
I have learned a life lesson. I AM SO MAD AT MYSELF!
It is so hard for me to believe that people lie and cheat. I know that sounds naive of me, but I always give people the benefit of the doubt. Effective immediately, that is changing. I really need to grow up and stop viewing the world as a fair and sweet place. There is shit out there! And who's going to protect me if I don't protect myself?
I affirm today to be wiser and more astute in matters of business and questionable events.
I can't stand this ANGER. I really feel pissed. Damn.
I affirm today to be wiser and more astute in matters of business and questionable events.
I can't stand this ANGER. I really feel pissed. Damn.
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3 comments:
i'm glad you admit you're mad at yourself. quite often, we forget that we're mad at ourselves and take it out on others.
when i first started working with emotionally disturbed kids, they had so much fun, they love fresh meat, and often pull some elaborate cons on newbies.
when we get a new person, i usally tell them to watch all of their stuff and don't put anything down that they want back again. Several people ignored me and ended up losing $130 calcuators, cell phones etc.
After 4 years in the job, i'm now able to spot a con and am a pretty good judge of character.
Sometimes i feel sad at my loss in instant faith in humanity, but i also developed the ability to not hold it against the kids. They have problems that I'm lucky enough to not have and will probably never have. As the adult who is not ill, it's silly to hold a grudge.
you're right, you live, you learn and you move on. I'm sorry you had to go through this and at times, it's not that they coned you, it's that you trusted them and now you not only grieve the loss of what was conned, but you grieve the loss of a friend, and sometimes we never get over that.
Jilly
Hi Jilly, you are such a sweetheart and I shall reflect on your thoughts on this...but here, yet 24 hours later, the mind remains a dark and dreary place. I hope I am healed of this negativity by tomorrow, it is rare for me to let something linger with me and this one issue has got my ass so high up in the air that I can't stand myself! I can't remember being more mad in a very long time. Even though you learn and grow from it, that doesn't make getting through the emotional aspect very easy. Grrrrrrrrr.
Doreen, I think part of the problem is that you likely feel the way I do,, which is why would someone bother to lie about a situation? 30 months ago a person told me this fabulous, extensive, thoroughly believable lie about herself, family, education level etc. Some of it I was incredulous to her face about, but liars or folks who are deluded can come up with lies so big that you simply have to believe them,, until someone straightens you out. Since I come in contact with this person frequently I pretty much try to listen to what she says and not get drawn into it. No more questions from me asking for particulars,, just, oh, hum,, yes,, interesting, and move along. Whether it is borrowing money and forgetting to pay it back, telling lies, whatever, it all amounts to taking advantage of a person. It doesn't bother me one bit that I get used by folks on occassion,, I generally feel it was a cheap lesson but only about THEM. I am very forthright and expect the same from other folks.
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