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"Get Some Friends. Get Some Hobbies, " They Tell Me.. OR - How to Be Single

My world is small--that is, my social circle. It's tiny, in fact. My few friends go back in time with me to elementary school. A few trusted male friends whom I know have been in my life for years... I know they won't hit on me and it's with them I have down-to-earth conversations with depth and meaning. I don't have to "be" something with them... they know my activities and with shared honesty, they know my life and heart. In my mind, this is perfect scenario, rich with meaning.

Yet... it's been heard from more than one person since my divorce that there are things I need to do to be effectively single and I guess I'm NOT doing them very well or they all wouldn't be saying the same shit. Still finding my way in the single world and redesigning my life... friends and colleagues always seem to have some good advice. So, in the recent weeks, I've had my antennae up, recognizing how many social invitations I decline on a weekly basis... maybe I shouldn't? So I've opened up a bit... engaged others. More emails, more phone calls.

I practically collapsed.. no, not practically... I did collapse into bed after teaching my four hour class today (and a four hour last night)... and alllllllll the unreturned phone messages and emails I need to face tomorrow. Received a booty call, too, tonight (declined). And I find myself amid madness now.... too many callers, too many doors opened... A social world available to me that I'm not fit to jump into. I don't think I'll EVER want it. That was what college was for... parties and dating and girls nights out. It's too much and I realize that I just need to tell everyone to STFU because there's nothing wrong with me and I'M HAPPY JUST THE WAY I AM THANK YOU VERY MUCH. Besides, I haven't a THING to wear.... you know you're old when your work clothes become your "going out" outfits. That's alls I gots ta say about that.

After writing this, I'm going to see what movies start playing tomorrow at the theater and I'm going ALONE on Friday (again)... because I've found a really good best friend to do things with. She is me! Soooooooooooo? It's been a charade of a two week long exploration. I don't want to be "out there". Don't wanna date. A few close friends is, to me, allllllll I need and it very fulfilling.

Single... Divorcee... I'm just fine. Everything's good.


Mat said...

"I'M HAPPY JUST THE WAY I AM THANK YOU VERY MUCH" get this printed on some T-shirts or a hat or maybe even a tattoo in plain sight so people will get the message. It's true for the most part that folks mean well but do they have to be such a pain in the ass while they do it? A positive aspect of all their meddling is that they soon grow bored and move onto other pursuits.