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Why isn't anyone monogamous? Seems.


Anonymous said...

Is that what caused your divorce?

doreenmary said...

No. It didn't. But since 60% of couples engage in extramarital affairs (probably more than than that I'd venture to guess), one could probably assume such a thing as cause for the divorce. Mark was the greatest in that regard... faithful and so very respectful to never flirt or make me jealous. I think that's such a rare quality in people--both men and women.

Spidey said...

Why isn't anyone monogamous? Seems>>>>>

well i can think of at least two people that are.

Anonymous said...

You were indeed blessed to have such a man for a husband, can the same be said of you?

doreenmary said...

Dear Anonymous, What do YOU think?

Anonymous said...

To clarify....I was the first "anonymous" and forgot to type in my name. I was NOT the second anonymous post. I rarely comment but I do follow and enjoy your blog Doreenmary.

Jo-Ann (old bookshelf-er)

aliasmoi said...

I am very monogamous. I just can't seem to find anyone who is to be monogamous with.

Jilly said...

my guy and i are monogamous (with each other even!) i don't think i'd ever cheat on him, or anyone else, as i saw what that did to my mom. i hope he'd never do it to me, but some people do terrible things to the people they're supposed to love.

Hi joann, i miss you. do you read the old broards?


Roger D. Curry said...

Is it permitted to be anti-gamous? If so, sign me up.


doreenmary said...

It's a rather huge and complex academic concept. Some people think that polyamory (loving more than one) is humanly natural and that monogamy is a societal rule, norm or more imposed by man. What do you think about that? Even among those who are openly poly, such relationships tend to be ridden with relationship issues as it relates to status and position among others and feelings of jealousy, based on admission of those who classify themselves as such. Textbook debates are voluminous, with foundations in theology, philosophy, sociology and psychology.

Monogamy... a fascinating topic. To glimpse into the minds and hearts of people and find what makes them tick leaves one with no conclusions for there are so many differences and no one situation is right for all. The influences are so many, from culture to generation, to personal beliefs. Many people practice monogamy because they don't want to break rules or destroy a marriage/ partnership, but their hearts do lust and would prefer poly, doing so either in secret or fantasy only. There are those who date many, inside longing for one and only one,which seems so daunting to find.

My observations of the world are so new now as a single, divorced woman and, in a circle of associations where I live, work, play... it seems to me that taking a view of monogamy is a choice made early in life, and and one that people inherently know that they are or aren't, no matter what their current situation, even if they do things different to who/what they say they are. I imagine if you are one way or the other and in a relationship misaligned with another, it's can be fraught with lies and sneaking around or living inauthentically. Consider the case of the governor in the news this week, who went to Argentina... he's found his "soul mate" but got caught traveling on business/public, while his wife was home. In the press he now says, he's "going to try to fall in love with his wife, again." OK, he can do the right stuff now that he was caught. Will his heart follow what the head does? I'm not judging or calling the guy a cheater, although if you are a public figure, there is risk for exposure in all personal choices.

It does seem to me... and this is only opinion... that people today don't want to "invest" time and effort into couples relationships. Why? There are always a line of willing and interested others to fulfill "needs".... many of whom who are younger, more attractive, more successful.

Even as a student of psychology and an observer of people and knowing a reality exists someplace, this romantic will always ponder, "what about love?"

Where is the love?

Jilly said...

Doreen, i would love to talk to you at length about my sister, who is in a "biglove" type relationship but without the religion. My family, being appalachian and catholic, is very against it. I don't really care, beyond the fact that the kids are all fruitloops because of it. Anyway, my e-mail is
if you want to chat about it.


Anonymous said...

You seem to be under some assumption that people in open relationships do not experience your definition of love. That seems a bit narrow minded.

I can tell you for one who has been on both sides of the poly/mono fence more than once that true love can come from a rock if you wish and pray hard enough. "It's all about perception" and ditching every conventional/western/religious idea we are wired to believe for something all your own. Ayn Rand would be proud anyway.

Jealousy is for trite lovers afraid of their own tried and true sexuality.

And if you are one who approaches life from an evolutionary perspective... there are monkeys that are bisexual and those that have several partners. I can't remember the last time I saw an unhappy monkey. Oh wait, they can't think as much as us!

"There are always a line of willing and interested others to fulfill "needs".... many of whom who are younger, more attractive, more successful." Now, that just sounds too much like a bitter divorcee talking. ;)

Anonymous Guru #3

doreenmary said...

Anonymous Guru #3 - Contact me offline for a private philosophical idea exchange. Thanks for writing.


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