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The Fantasy of Designing a Perfect Mate

Remember the song by Savage Garden, I Knew I Loved You Before I Met You? The lyrics were... "I think I dreamed you into life..." Have you fantasized about the perfect partner? I mean, of course, those of you who haven't already found him or her. For those of you who already found your best friend, is he/she an icon of things you once dreamed of? Was it intuition? What is or was that magic that made/makes it all happen? Is it a God thing?

I played with an idea today… If I were starting out fresh & new…. Alone and without a man, I pondered what qualities I would seek. Such things would be grandly different today than say, when I was a young girl with stars in her eyes. I often kid about the sweet love and the early years of Mark and me... I always say.. "at 17 years old... we both liked Budweiser and U2.. a perfect match!" Sigh... so innocent.

Here are some things I thought of for NOW as a woman of greater substance and who would be unwilling to settle for less than a "best friend" to call a lover any time soon:

He would be a man of great experience and wisdom, who’d weathered a number of storms in his life and evolved to be philosophical (as opposed to a victim of life’s evils) with stories to tell. He would be a man of tremendous strength of conviction and in many aspects… unwavering in his beliefs on important issues, even if those were opposing to my own beliefs.

He would be infused with testosterone and have an insatiable appetite for things sexual… kinky and weird, but able to curb it in favor of monogamy with me. He would have only eyes for me, dwell upon my every subtle movement and ways (obsessively, preferred).

He would call me out on things awry or wrong and insist on the highest standards for me, even if he had to insult me to gain my attention to be a better person. He would listen to my high standards, too... be impressionable and open to things I feel and say, willing to try new things or see things “another” way… often “my way”. He would be unafraid of change and instead welcome it and want to become an evolved spirit always on a path to self-improvement.

He would be ageless, able to relate to all peoples of race, culture, and age and find among all peoples something in common that is positive. He would be cultured and educated. He would be logical and calculating and bring to me aid in problem-solving in foggy areas of my own world.

He would be a flawed character… someone who cannot see straight in certain areas of his life… these would areas of my strength and competency that I could give to him. And he would take my hand and allow me to be helper and supporter. He would lean on me and never feel less a man for in giving over power to a woman in certain aspects… instead, he would be secure in his own masculinity to be weak and in need, knowing he can be stronger with “two” instead of “one” as his spiritual source. He would be bravely humble despite a big head in ordinary day activities… in private, he would be submissive to God and his lowly position as “human” knowing something greater is a force so awesome. And he would speak of such wonderment and share with me the privacy of connection with the universe through our unique love. He would lay upon my lap to seek refuge and acceptance when the world troubled him, and yet… when the tables turn.. he would be my father figure and hold me like a baby to comfort my troubled soul.

He would be a brat and a monster because he is filled with passion and such a thing has its shadow-side… but he would be unafraid to reveal such emotion to me. He would trust me that he could expose all facets of himself in complete appreciation and acceptance by me. He would know that there are no mistakes and that everlasting forgiveness is given no matter whatever befell our relationship… he would know to his core I would never deny him or leave him. He would be sure enough of me to lay his life on the line and entrust to me. The man perfect for me is not at all a perfect person… he is completely flawed, and he loves himself no matter. He stands in the fire and seeks truth.

And he would accept my wackadoodleness... from PMS and emotional outbursts to occasional depths of despair.. and he'd care and not criticize, but help me find peace when I am "over the top".

The man I could love with all of me is a child… who likes to play and roughhouse and make up games and tickle and laugh. He isn’t too stuffy to run in the rain or do something reckless “just because”… he can put behind him all his responsibilities and really live in the moment. And he can buy into my arrangements for childlikeness, AND he can create a playground of his own making with the power to recruit me to want to engage in his own ideas for adventure.

The man I love need not be wealthy or of material things, but he is resourceful and conscientious and wants to make sure I am fed, warm, and happy. He assumes responsibility even when it is not required, even if he is met with polite refusal (because I'm stubborn and "don't need no help")… he fights to be a helper when he sees I need help.

The man I want to love me knows my heart and forgives me for my many, many flaws. He sees me as beautiful, despite weight or age or other physical imperfections. He sees my soul and my finer qualities and these things light his fire, brighten his world, nourish him… he flourishes because of my goodness and he overlooks anything anyone else might judge as “bad”.

The man I would/could/want to love chooses our love above all things, and even when competing priorities surface, such as work or children or other responsibilities, he may have to tend to other life matters, but it is clear where I stand and if push ever came to shove, he would protect me and us and never falter in such loyalty. He has my back! Likewise, he would trust that he is number one in my world, even though I love my children or have things to protect or care for… he knows my heart is his and that love is foremost in so many unspoken ways.

The man I would/could/want to love is complex and real… he is beautiful and full of life. There need not be exciting surroundings or events for us to engage.. there is utter satisfaction in just “being”… the kind of a summer day experience in which there is comfort in simplicity such as a warm breeze and a kiss, sitting on sand or a bench.


This is why I write romance novels.


Anonymous said...

hed fuck like a rabbit then piss of home

Spidey said...

I am married to your perfect mate.

Anonymous said...

I think you have already met him...or how could you write so eloquently about him? thinks you know exactly who this person is...



doreenmary said...

In reply...

Anonymous #1 (rabbit comment)... clearly this was written by Alex.. No? LOL.

To Spidey... Awwwww! You are so lucky!

To Anonymous #2... Interesting comment... I can compare it to the responses I've heard from readers of my novels who tend to think the scenes and people in the stories are real and they try to identify "who" he or she is in my real life. For the most part, the sentiments in any fiction I've written and the characters I bring to life are constructed based on people I have known in real life (often in combination) and human emotions I've known -- as well as things both real or wished for, or vicariously evoked. "Eloquence" is inspired. If I had "met" him and he were REAL, I'd be so proud to introduce him, claim him, and be claimed by him. Alas, love lies bleeding in my hand.

Jilly said...

i'd refuse to make a list b/c 1) you need to be careful what you wish for and 2) people rarely know what they really want or need. they only think they have a good idea of who they are or what they really need, and often when things are damn near perfect, they have to invent fake drama to either feel important or "keep things interesting."


Anonymous said...

how did you know it was me:)