Wow my hair was SHORT! I am so sick of it all--the responsibility in life,-I can't stand myself. I work all the time... how convenient to do so--a diversion from confronting the "me" I just don't feel like addressing lately in all my perception issues and concerns and worries about the "what ifs" in this crazy life. I need to listen to what my friends say... "Relax a little." So, after teaching tonight, I came home, opened up a fresh bottle of merlot and indulged in some creative writing... just for me.

I had a blast with this... the beginnings of my Bucket List. It's so not done. Here's what I got going so far....

1. Publish my dissertation in an academic journal

2. Rewrite my dissertation as a non-fiction book and publish

3. Become a tenured professor

4. Grow a tropical garden

5. Travel to Italy

6. Be touched by a hand that loves me as much as I love him

7. Learn to drive a stick shift

8. Ride on the back of a motorcycle

9. Raise seahorses Been thinking about this recently

10. Successfully grow: a peach tree, avocado tree, gardenia bush or tree

11. Attend an outdoor concert on a romantic date.

12. Get stoned on weed in a safe place

13. To be loved, adored, number one, the only one, in the life of a beautiful man—if only briefly

14. Make more money in one year than I did in 2003

15. Really learn the guitar

16. Read the Bible Started this... book by my bed

17. Learn how to slow dance with a man

18. Spend a few weeks or a summer on Martha’s Vineyard or another Cape-like inspired place for writing fiction.

19. Make love in the rain

20. Get dressed up and go to a ritzy country club sort of charity event/dinner.

21. Build out a complete room as my library – old fashioned wood shelves with sliding ladder, books cataloged. OK I came close to reaching this one.. I have a cataloged wall of shelves, but no sliding ladder...

22. Publish a novel with a major house.

23. Be a guest lecturer or speaker before a large crowd

24. Win a scholarship, grant or significant recognition for research or writing In September, I applied for a $5,000 scholarship with the American Psychological Association for my research. It was a fricken huge application - like 20 pages. Will find out December 22nd.

25. Learn how to BBQ on a grill

26. Paint a mural on a wall I am feeling ready for this... this summer I took a painting class and I have many paints, brushes and supplies. Adding to this bucket list, I want an artist's easel and I want to put it in my back room where my new library is.

27. Decorate one room with abandon of cost in favor of everything I ever wanted

28. Own one of them player pianos

29. Create a family tree

30. See Joel Osteen in person I actually had tix to see him in Tampa in June

31. Become active in a church I have been to every church's website in town and still searching for the right home.

32. Quit smoking Target 2011

33. Play the guitar and sing in front of friends or small group

34. Meet or talk with Psychologist Robert J. Sternberg I have had email communications with him and plan on initiating a call in 2011 when I have data from my research on the psychology of love - my national survey.

35. Go Christmas caroling door-to-door

36. Go on a scary amusement park ride I ordinarily wouldn’t

37. Volunteer to counsel or help cancer or abuse victims

38. Be a foster home for lost dogs

39. Go to a writer’s retreat

40. Hear someone say that something I wrote made them cry

41. To own a Jacuzzi/hot tub again and create a serene surrounding

42. To own a really good stereo system in my house

43. To have a party at my home with a band again

44. To see a show on Broadway again

45. To spend a Thanksgiving volunteering at a soup kitchen

46. To party a night away

47. Receive delivered flowers from a man for at least once in my life

48. Be at Rockefeller Center when the Christmas tree is lighted

49. To ride in a horse and buggy under the stars

50. Crochet a bedspread I started one for my daughter last year and have all the yarn. She wants a "king" size. Geeze.

51. To see autumn up north and pick apples

52. Visit the Smithsonian Museum

53. Buy myself or receive an heirloom quality piece of jewelry

54. Buy an outfit that I feel beautiful in without cutting costs…fully accessorized…shoes and all

55. Hire a maid for a time

56. Go to the zoo by myself Ya know... I'm going to admit that I think about this frequently. Why don't I just do it? OK.. I'll do it. In October... this month.

57. Learn to shoot a gun

58. Play golf

59. Ride in a helicopter

60. Dress up like a cowgirl and go out WTF was I thinking when I wrote this? Yee hah.

61. Ride in a hot air balloon (maybe)

62. Write a letter to everyone I love.

63. Get a tattoo (maybe)

64. Be tempted but choose what is right

65. Dress up sexy and play one of them table gambling games in Las Vegas, sipping something dangerous in a pretty glass

66. Surprise someone with something so good they cry

67. Buy a ton of Archie comic books to read while sipping a blue 7-11 Slurpee (like I used to when I was a kid), order pizza for dinner, staying in pajamas the whole day.

68. Visit Canada

69. Enter a wet tee shirt contest (Wait. That might be my merlot kicking in. That’s a maybe).