Doreen Lewis Blog: Psychoanalysis

Showing posts with label Psychoanalysis. Show all posts

Psychologist Joke for the Day

How People Move Through Their Day

I have noticed that some people seem to have a mastery of time. They can set out with tasks they need to do... for example, go to the bank, swing by the drugstore and pick up a prescription, drive home, change clothes, leave again to make an appointment and be successful in so doing.

Does that describe you?

Or, are you more like me.... this (given the same task list as described):

Go to the bank, swing by the drugstore and see what's new on the sale or seasonal aisle before you even get to the prescription area... maybe decide to get a cart and fill it with a few necessities while you're there. Drive home, unload car, take garbage cans in from side of road and bring in mail... see that the kids left some dirty dishes out and the dogs look hungry, so take care of that... read mail... Then, when changing clothes, decide you hate everything in your closet and only the pants that need ironing will do and proceed to iron them (even though you're now short on time)... Take a phone call... it's someone you know has a question. Heck, maybe you can fit in one or two last minute things, realizing if you fly in your car you'll make your appointment on time. Only the reality is, you don't make appointments on time because you're always 10 minutes late. Sometimes more.

I'm one of those nut jobs who has her car's clock set 10 minute fast. For some reason it still fakes me out and makes me hustle a bit to get where I'm going. I've heard a lot of people do this clock setting thing... it's for people like "us"... who just squeeze too much in.

I saw a segment (20/20 or one of them nighttime shows) that followed around an executive who was always late... a psychologist said that, basically and in so many words, that the guy felt so self-important, he didn't respect other people's time and would rather arrive late and catch up on something, then be early and have to WAIT on someone else. Maybe there's an element of truth there, altho I like to think I'm not selfish, and to the contrary, I just want to get as much done as I can.... just one more thing.

Yesterday, I took Kelly to the doctor for her sinus infection. We had to wait an hour to get into the little room and we had an appointment... we weren't walk-ins. I was absolutely bonkers by the time the hour was up. I kept asking Kelly... "Weren't we here before HIM,? Haven't we been here longer than x or y? How come they get to go into the back room and we're still here?" and she looked at me and said, "Mommy, your eyes are big, your muscles are tense and you are a freak. Just relax and accept it." <--- this from the mouth of a 16 year old babe. I looked around and everyone seemed so content with this bullshit. I was the only freak mad as hell at how much time was lost.

Have you noticed that there are people ALWAYS BIZZY and some who are always available? How's THAT? I remember as a kid ALWAYS feeling like I had not enough time.... my whole life, I have fantasized about "free time".... if I could lay in the sun, or escape to a garden... to dream, to think, to write. These days, any free time comes when I am collapsing and physically incapable of any more... maybe one day a month I just don't get out of bed or talk. I have always had this affliction of a hard crash after many weeks of overscheduling or excessive working. People don't understand it... I find myself "hiding out" as a thief in the night... just trying to rob some time some where.

I was talking with a friend last night, a colleague who is doing dissertation and has similar issues as I.... But for him, he is having money problems and always had money problems.... and we spoke of the "archetypes" we are born under (a theory by Psychologist Carl Jung), which are set at birth or before.... some people have the Midas archetype and make money. their whole lives.. it comes naturally.. some people are born leaders, or teachers, or victims, etc. And we talked about our afflictions or our blessings which have traveled with the either of us all our lives, essentially, a circle of challenges always the same themes. I got to thinking... This TIME thing has been my challenge my whole entire life.

To me, it is a fascinating exploration about the self and others behaviors... how people move through their day. Somewhere in all of this is the cognitive/neuro aspect of time concept, as well as the consideration of core values, as to WHAT is more important? The task, the appt. time, the interruption, etc. We are constantly making choices with our time... and maybe some of us are lazy or march to a different beat and refuse to be defined by someone else's imposition of set times for things.

How do you move through your day?

I Like Sneezing and Analyzing My Own Sneezes

Does my blog title sound absolutely nuts? Fine. But it's true. Sneezing is quite a freaky bigass explosive thing that happens. It's not pretty and when it occurs multiple times, it's just a real ruckus.

Sneezing is just crazy.

I like sneezing... the whole prep thing that happens... that breathing, gasping, not sure if it's gonna happen feeling. Then.... wow.... you just let go. There is nothing to stop it. Oh, you can try to hide it, but that sometimes just makes it all that much bigger. Sometimes I'll go with it, saying Ah chooooooooooooooooo. Or make it real macho sounding RAH CHOOOOO. I've had such powerful sneezes before, I've pee'ed.

I like sneezing... I rate them in my mind if it was a good one.

Why do they come in threes?

Why do we still say "Bless You" ??? Is it rude if you DON'T say "Bless You?"

I have been sneezing a lot the past two days... maybe it's allergies? I don't feel sick. But I have been pondering sneezing today. And decided officially - I like it. It's very, very cool.

Why Can't We All Just Get Along?

It's amazing how many close friends of mine are all going through the same sort of couples issues. In each case... One partner wants something more and the other partner not so much. And the tug can last years... fraught with manipulations, ploys, gentle or not so gentle nudges to get what is desired such as "their" way about how to live or parent, for things like attention, sex or love, meaningful emotional connection, a disarmament of things coming between the two (addiction, other influences), control -- these are just examples. Each heart has its own desires and wishes, and I would venture to say that the underlying feelings are pure and not necessarily evil, albeit there is a great deal of selfishness abound, generally speaking. Sometimes people just don't want the same things, regardless of the love they feel.

Within a pair, it is so sad when you are the one feeling empty and unfulfilled, but it is also sad for the one who cannot give because it's not in them and they wish it were so, but it's not there. You can pretend and give in. Or, you can fight the fight and not bend, still hopeful for change by the partner. You can cut the cord and be done. But most people just stay in misery or dysfunction.... they die that slow death of a relationship.... until numbness takes over and nobody cares.

My heart breaks today for those suffering this plight.

Redefining Success.... Life Lessons In Midlife

I'm redefining success since what I once thought it was didn't work out so good. Perhaps you, too, through your own experiences, have drawn similar conclusions in life leading into new trains of thought? I'd love your thoughts on some of these ideas....

First, what success is NOT. Success is NOT the high power position/title with the bucks and benefits. I once thought I was "special" because I had all that. Oftentimes, our career success comes through right time/right place/serendipity/who ya know, etc..... yes, hard work, too... yes, impressive education/experience... good looks, even... but there are no guarantees for it (the success) to be forever. Ask anyone who ever got laid off or suffered some setback...health decline, got old, etc. The ups and downs may or may not be relevant to who you are inside, but happen "just because".

Success is not because you made a beautiful family and home... I've learned that kids turn out good or bad not always based on good parenting but other influences, too (opportunities or lack thereof, attitude, disease/disorder, drug addiction, peer influences, etc.) and good kids can grow out of hostile and unstable homes, too. So we shouldn't pat ourselves too much on the back or condemn self too harshly based on how a marriage ends up or kids turn out. We can only do the best we can do.

In midlife, people often pause and reflect on things done in life good or bad, right or wrong... but somehow, it all leads us to where we ended up, so how can good/bad or right/wrong even matter? I often think (now this is going to sound very controversial...) but someone who lives in a convent or in the protected confines of a church (such as a priest or a nun), live their lives "good"... but they have not lived and confronted demons and come to know who they are from the great emergence of choices made and lived with and overcoming adversity. They have walls of protection and influence nearby and aren't out there in the trenches making a mess of things like we do, falling, picking up again, starting over. Not to put down someone who has ready positive forces surrounding them... I'm just sayin' we find ourselves in the strangest of ways and places and sometimes through our own darkness before we come out OK later..

And it's not so bad here.... in the trenches... I think. I am learning and growing and finding myself at this late date in my life. Perhaps I am a late bloomer and this all should have happened in my 30's.

I am beginning to like the woman I am.

Can you believe I am saying this shit? Me? Miss Martyr? Miss Critical?

But here's the thing.... I have made mistakes. Me. Perfect--Good Girl--Always on Top--- ME!!!

I realize I don't know what I don't know. I am a babe in the woods when it comes to some things. I have been absent from reality for a long time, while I was living some deluded "charmed" life being an executive, advanced degree student and author, a mom and a wife. And half of it was phoney baloney.

But I know a few good things... and these things make me successful.

I am humble and good. I help people because of what I have learned in life. Even if I don't know the answer, I have the gift of compassion and sometimes all people need or want is someone to listen and hold a hand. And I understand more than just the human mind and the psychology of behavior... I understand the tender heart. I understand the individuality and importance of life to each person uniquely. Come to me. I care.

My world is very small and comprised of very few close friends and loved ones. I prefer it this way. There is hardly time and space in this short time we are given human life to love and adore those who I do, let alone the whole world. I wish I could do more. I wish I could change the world through teaching, writing books... but I see the reality of success being that making differences happens in such smaller, more personal ways.

I want to make a difference.

And I'm learning.. whatever the want of the human heart, that's the path to follow. Insodoing.. Success is in finding peace of mind. It's the connection of heart and mind to all things we think and do.

Simply.

That's all there is.

And something so blessed is yet so difficult to attain, isn't it?

Do you have peace of mind? Are you on the path that connects your heart and mind to the things that are wonderful?

Ecstasy and Misery Intertwined

Has it been true in your life as it is for me, that when times of celebration arrive (like now)... new wonders, new starts, good news and times to give a toast to the brightness of the future... that alongside such joy, often comes a weight of misery of some other dimension to level the playing field? God forbid we should get a head full of drunken or temporary happiness without the universe providing a humbling dose of reality. I'll spare you the events of recent which hurt my heart.

On a broad scale, life isn't boring. For the most part, life is sweet in my new home and finances are getting cleaned up. Yet, on a deeper, soulful innermost life note... there is unease and I cannot speak of such private things right now for it is difficult to sort through feelings and emotions so high. If I could buy me some logic, I would...

I've blogged less because I have a lot of philosophical dilemma now regarding the purpose of it all, meaning of life shit... what really matters crap and who is alongside you in the journey of life? Does anyone really know what time it is... does anyone REALLY care? I see things differently than I once did... harder, meaner... I've been hurt. Shit.

Who wants to hear the rants of a red-faced, ear-steam-emitting, pissed off woman when truly there is beauty in life if I'd just sit down a moment and get some fricken perspective?

Thank you for caring, for your notes and emails and glasses of Merlot. I have not blogged, for in times of deep contemplation, I have no diatribe or some grandiose lecture of great wisdom. In fact, who did I ever think I was with all of that?

I'm just a regular working slob plugging away at my small world and my big ideas currently lie dormant. I'm a mom and I have work to do to serve employers. And in times left over, I shall sleep and eat to re-energize to be better to those who need.

By the way, I'm still not smoking since July 1st.

Doreen