Showing posts with label psychology. Show all posts
Showing posts with label psychology. Show all posts
On Being a Cry Baby... The Psychology of Tears and Boo-Hooing
Something struck me as interesting yesterday at a seminar I attended on the psychology of sex (and Tantra)... the lecturer/author is working on a new book in which (in part of the book) she partners with a neuro-psychologist in exploring the roots of sexuality where it lies resident in the brain (the Temporal Lobe). Also therein that section of the brain lies the circuitry for spirituality as well as emotionalism.... and she spoke of tears... of crying... and of what she calls, "crygasms" (a spin on crying/orgasms). She spoke of rage, an emotion she said once released through expression, gives a cathartic, after sex sensation... that which she calls, "angergasm." She reminded the audience of that laughter we all knew as a kid, the kind where you can't breathe - in touch with your best friend, for example, and that "after feeling"... likening that feeling to post-coitus feelings of satiation. That's "gigglegasm". I miss gigglegasm most, I think.
This (about the neuro-psychology) wasn't the entire lecture, merely a part... I took some notes for further study when I would be home later, because THIS aspect of her talk had me fascinated. There were some exercises - physical and mental - in which she demonstrated the ways in which we have capacity with intention to alter consciousness and receive the pleasures in sexuality we sometimes take for granted. Of course, the exercises were non-sexual and practice is recommended as "homework". Overall, an outstanding seminar... For those interested, her name is Barbara Carrallas and a link to her website is UrbanTantra.org
On the drive home from my brain-crushing, exciting day of pscyhobabble, I pondered the psychology of crying and the endorphin releasing. I pondered the fact that I feel emotions so deeply.. and those of you who know me a bit more than casually may be astutely aware of the fact that my feelings go deep... deeper than probably "normal" on a bell-shaped curve of human behavior. I am ignited to learn more for my own personal knowing... but even more that that...
I've decided that not enough data is available, understood, written about and/or researched on the psychology of crying, specifically, as an aspect of emotional or relationship psychology, as well as in the study of it from a cognitive perspective. I want to know it and understand it from the perspectives of neurology, psychology, physiology, etc. I am intrigued about this phenomenon and have always been afflicted by the urge to cry when emotions swoop over me - and this means happy, sad or otherwise, and yes... in association with sex... but usually occurs whenever I feel touched by someone or something.
When I was young, I used to think everyone experienced the same thing to the same degree until early life experiences showed me otherwise and I realized I was a highly sensitive person with all the associated benefits, but expecially the cons and the associated rejection by people for being this way. In adulthood, crying is culturally taboo in most scenarios unless your mother or brother died, or you shed one or two soundless tears at a wedding, and even then when warranted, it's ENOUGH after a bit, just a few tears... people can't handle much more of that. We tell our children to go wash your face and quit crying over spilled milk. We don't like to see others in such a state... some would call it a loss of control, drama, or even manipulative behavior (a.k.a. crocodile tears).... and some people refuse to believe that tears and crying are sincere and real in most cases.
This (about the neuro-psychology) wasn't the entire lecture, merely a part... I took some notes for further study when I would be home later, because THIS aspect of her talk had me fascinated. There were some exercises - physical and mental - in which she demonstrated the ways in which we have capacity with intention to alter consciousness and receive the pleasures in sexuality we sometimes take for granted. Of course, the exercises were non-sexual and practice is recommended as "homework". Overall, an outstanding seminar... For those interested, her name is Barbara Carrallas and a link to her website is UrbanTantra.org
On the drive home from my brain-crushing, exciting day of pscyhobabble, I pondered the psychology of crying and the endorphin releasing. I pondered the fact that I feel emotions so deeply.. and those of you who know me a bit more than casually may be astutely aware of the fact that my feelings go deep... deeper than probably "normal" on a bell-shaped curve of human behavior. I am ignited to learn more for my own personal knowing... but even more that that...
I've decided that not enough data is available, understood, written about and/or researched on the psychology of crying, specifically, as an aspect of emotional or relationship psychology, as well as in the study of it from a cognitive perspective. I want to know it and understand it from the perspectives of neurology, psychology, physiology, etc. I am intrigued about this phenomenon and have always been afflicted by the urge to cry when emotions swoop over me - and this means happy, sad or otherwise, and yes... in association with sex... but usually occurs whenever I feel touched by someone or something.
When I was young, I used to think everyone experienced the same thing to the same degree until early life experiences showed me otherwise and I realized I was a highly sensitive person with all the associated benefits, but expecially the cons and the associated rejection by people for being this way. In adulthood, crying is culturally taboo in most scenarios unless your mother or brother died, or you shed one or two soundless tears at a wedding, and even then when warranted, it's ENOUGH after a bit, just a few tears... people can't handle much more of that. We tell our children to go wash your face and quit crying over spilled milk. We don't like to see others in such a state... some would call it a loss of control, drama, or even manipulative behavior (a.k.a. crocodile tears).... and some people refuse to believe that tears and crying are sincere and real in most cases.
Sister, Best girlfriends and lover... are the only folks exposed to my own tears, although I'm on a mission to shelter them and not share so much, especially in light of recent experience, unspeakable here at this blog. I note also: The taboo tears (anger tears at work, or sparked from physical pain, sorrow, sad memories...) these are hidden and cried later in the dark, a long drive in a car, in pillows or screamed in a shower in the alone times.
I reflect a moment on a memory of my late teen years or early twenties when I was dating or just married Mark. I remember watching some holiday Christmas or Valentine's Garfield the cat cartoon special one night with him and he was in the kitchen making a sandwich. When he came back into the TV room, he saw me crying at the story... some dumb thing. And he changed the channel.... "My God, it's a CARTOON, Doreen! It's NOT real! The cat will be alright." He was one of few people who knew how intensely I could feel... even in fiction or the pretend. A song, anything.... the stupid Budweiser Clydesdale Christmas commercial makes me cry.
I'm sure this all sounds like lunacy to those readers who don't ever cry. But I have decided to step up and explore this for my own understanding, as well as to see if there are research implications for the future that I can put some of my talents to work to contribute to science. I accept this aspect that crying is a part of who I am and how I experience the world. And yet, I realize that in an unenlightened culture that is repressed, such behavior defies expected decorum and must be managed. I never was very good at being politically correct, but I do live among the species and would like to participate in the culture in which we live.
Thoughts?
Thoughts?
I have a date with Dr. Wayne Dyer Tonight
Intensive Weekend Retreat - Link
Wayne Dyer's Home Page
I'll update this blog with the wonderful things I learn.
Cyber Cheating....
I'm reprinting an interesting article that appeared in the news recently about the potential for cyber communications to wreck marriages, etc. Is flirting online or sharing intimacies considered a betrayal to a real-time committed couple? What do you think? Have you seen this in your own life or those around you? I'm interested!
I created a poll posted here (to make your own survey/poll, it's free at freepolls.com), and I welcome your comments at this blog, too!
I created a poll posted here (to make your own survey/poll, it's free at freepolls.com), and I welcome your comments at this blog, too!
Posted September 24, 2009 15:39:00
Source: ABC NEWS
Cheating common in cyber sex world
By Gus Goswell
A study has found that over half of all internet users who engage in cyber sex are either married or in a serious offline relationship.
Melbourne psychologist Marcus Squirrell says the study of 1,325 internet users shows significant levels of infidelity and addiction.
Dr Squirrell carried out the research as part of his professional doctorate at Melbourne's Swinburne University.
Of the people who completed the questionnaire, 55 per cent said they were either married or in a serious offline relationship.
"I suppose one of the problems with it is that when you engage in cyber sex frequently enough, the actual arousal pattern to your partner often diminishes and it actually gets replaced with the online images," Dr Squirrell said.
"There's lots of people who report they actually prefer engaging in cyber sex and looking at pornography and masturbating online than actual face-to-face-encounters."
Mr Squirrell says online infidelity can have the same impact on a partner as other forms of cheating.
"Even if somebody isn't actually meeting up with somebody online it has the same sorts of ramifications as a face-to-face affair, because people feel that they've been cheated on even if the partner's just looking at pictures," he said.
Dr Squirrell's survey shows men have a strong preference for looking at pornographic pictures and videos, while women are twice as likely to use web cameras, to send sexually explicit emails or spend time in chat rooms.
He recruited survey participants by advertising within cyber sex user groups - sites that are generally used by people who spend a greater than average amount of time engaged in cyber sexual activities.
Almost half of those who took part in the survey live in North America; 12 per cent said they were Australians.
The average respondent was male, well-educated, and in their early 40s.
Around 40 per cent of respondents identified themselves as heterosexual, with others listing their sexual orientation as gay, lesbian or bi-sexual.
Hours of online sex
While the average participant in Mr Squirrell's sample group said they spent just over 12 hours a week engaging in sexual activity online, some people reported engaging in cyber sex for up to 10 hours a day.
Dr Squirrell says while not all sexual activity online is harmful, some people are desperate to overcome an addiction to online sex.
He treats about seven online sex addicts at his practice in Melbourne's inner south.
"They're absolutely at the end of their tether in terms of being able to control their behaviour themself," he said.
"Clients will even go as far as putting filters and blocks on websites. They've often made changes like putting their computer into other rooms.
'I've got one client who frequently looks at cyber sex at work and just struggles to control that behaviour."
Fighting the addiction
Dr Squirrell says he often suggests people fighting an addiction to cyber sex install filtering devices or join support groups such as Sex Addicts Anonymous, which offer a 12-step program based on the Alcoholics Anonymous model.
He says it is important to realise that not all cyber sexual activity is harmful.
"Most people can engage in cyber sex and take it or leave it. But there is significant minority, like there is with all addictions, where the behaviour just gets absolutely completely out of control," he said.
Dr Squirrell says there is a need for more support services for people who do want to overcome their online sex addiction.
"There's very few people out there who really specialise in the area," he said.
"What I'm trying to get off the ground is actually an e-therapy program like they have for some other conditions, with training modules where people can actually go through the process of treatment online and engage with a therapist occasionally.
Changing for the Better.... Meditate These.
I love words which inspire. A beloved friend helped me memorize a beautiful biblical piece of inspiration by putting the words to a tune. I sing the ditty almost daily... in the shower, laying in bed at night. It's my prayer, my meditation. It soothes the beast I am in my head sometimes. The actual quote is from The Book of Ecclesiastes and is, specfically, this...
".....whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things" (Philippians 4:8)I was reminded of the quote and its wondrous effect on me as I read news in Psychology today which points to the benefits of meditation, but more than that, that the concept of neuroplasticity can effect change (neuroplasticity means the ability to chemically remodel your brain by repeatedly focusing on changing, then repeating new thinking and behavior.) In other words, WE BECOME WHAT WE THINK.
Whether you call it prayer or meditation, or simply positive thinking... there's good value in taking time to think. Here's a related article in today's news, cut/pasted herein:
By 2050, mental exercise will be as important as physical: Neuroscientist
By Denise Ryan, Canwest News Service
Meditation, long deemed the exclusive domain of monks and Eastern culture fads, is now being shown by scientific research to have positive, long-lasting effects on the human brain. Richard Davidson, one of the world's top brain scientists, believes mental exercise, specifically meditation, can literally change our minds. "Our data shows mental practice can induce long-lasting changes in the brain," said Davidson, professor of psychology and psychiatry at the University of Wisconsin-Madison.
His startling scientific research on the impact of meditation on brain function has implications that go beyond the physical. Buddhist monks believe mental attributes and positive emotions such as compassion, loving, kindness and empathy are skills that can be cultivated. And science is beginning to back that up.
Davidson started meditating in 1974, when he was a PhD student at Harvard. Back then, meditation was seen as a somewhat faddish Eastern import right up there with the dashiki and the Jesus sandal. "The culture at the time was not so receptive," Davidson said, "nor were the scientific methods so well-developed."
It was when he met the Dalai Lama in 1992 that he "decided to come out of the closet with my interest in meditation." He became excited about the possibility of applying rigorous scientific study to the practice of meditation. "I made a commitment to do my best to take the tools we have so well honed in studying fear and anxiety and apply them to kindness and compassion."
Davidson began an ongoing study of the brains of Buddhist monks, the so-called "Olympians" of meditation, each of whom had accomplished at least 10,000 hours of meditation. "The work was framed within the research on neuroplasticity, the understanding that the brain is built to change in response to experience," Davidson said.
Just as an injured brain can adapt by mapping out new neuron pathways to accomplish tasks, "brain circuits [for] regulation of emotion and attention are malleable by the environment and are potential targets of training," he said.
Using functional Magnetic Resonance Imagery (fMRI), Davidson showed that compassion meditation, even in short-term practitioners, induced significant changes in patterns of functional activity in the brain. "The most important thing is hard-nosed evidence," Davidson said. "We were able to measure the results through experiments we did."
Davidson, who has published his findings on meditation in the world's most prestigious science journals, believes that even the so-called "happiness set-point" of a person's brain can be altered for the better. The potential applications include non-pharmacological interventions or supplemental treatment for depression, as well as behavioural and stress-related issues. Davidson hopes to convince educators to include meditation training as part of core curriculum in Grades K-12. "It's very clear that disruptive behaviour — bullying, ADD — dramatically affect learning and have led to progressive declines in North American institutes," he said.
Daniel Goleman, author of Emotional Intelligence, also began meditating while in college and is a proponent of mindfulness, a form of secular meditation. Goleman said in an interview: "Mindfulness seems to strengthen an array of neurons in the left prefrontal cortex, which inhibits the stress reaction driven by the amygdala, that triggers the cascade of stress hormones in the fight or flight response." Regular practice is key. "It's exactly like building up a muscle. What you begin to notice as you strengthen it is the absence of the negative state."
By cultivating the mindfulness muscle, Goleman believes we will develop greater emotional intelligence. We can become more self-aware, better at handling distressing emotions, and more empathetic, a combination that creates greater social effectiveness. "Meditation is both calming and focusing, which are two essential elements for well-being," Goleman said.
Dr. Adrianne Ross is a Vancouver mindfulness and meditation leader who first turned to the practice when she experienced a serious illness. She has practised meditation in different forms for more than 30 years, studied with mindfulness expert Jon Kabat-Zinn and taught the practice for more than a decade. "The mindfulness program is for people who aren't sure they're interested in Buddhism, but want to learn to meditate," Ross said.
"It helps you to be able to live more fully and more effectively, so you're causing less harm to yourself and the people around you and you're happier."
Mindfulness can be practised while driving, or standing in line at the bank, Ross said, but it is not a panacea. "Some people have depression that comes back. Some of us have the chemistry or life experience that make [difficult] thoughts come, but it can help us work with the thoughts," Ross said.
"Some people have severe illness. It won't make the illness go away, but helps them live a full life. Ross has seen patients become happier and more accepting, in spite of difficult circumstances.It begins with "learning to be with the breath," Ross said. Bringing focus to the breath and body. You don't try to eliminate your thoughts, but focus with "loving kindness" and watch your habitual thoughts — the ones that might hijack you emotionally. "You learn to recognize my mind is really spinning right now, you're aware of what it's doing, you're not lost in what's happening. Then if your mind is not going in a useful direction you have a choice."
Davidson, who still meditates regularly, said he doesn't measure his own brain systematically. He doesn't have to. "My practice has given me a kind of equanimity and balance," he said.
"It may be a period of time, but by 2050 I believe mental exercise will be understood as being as important as physical exercise."
© Copyright (c) Canwest News Service
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