1.  I think it's really cute that the UPS guy "hides" my bigass cardboard box that was delivered to my front door so robbers won't come take it.  He puts my Welcome Mat over the top of the box.  For sure, that will keep the thieves confused.

2.  When did it become fashionable for young moms taking their babies trick-or-treating to dress up like sluts and collect candy for themselves in  pillowcases?  Isn't that a little wrong? 

3.  And just what is the cut-off age for kids trick-or-treating?  I think if a boy has a full beard (his own - not a costume) he might be too old.

Not being critical.... Jussayin'

So How was your Halloween?

Seen on an orange Tee Shirt - A picture of a witch's hat.  Saying:  Finally!  A Day I Can Be Myself.



 

So I read my self-help books. You remember my earlier blog posts... "Stop Overreacting" etc.... the books about lightening up. Read a book.. be healed? It kind of reminds me of my mother who used to watch the Hawaiian guy on cable TV teach an exercise class (while she's sitting in her recliner sipping coffee, NOT exercising). Or, like the old Seinfeld episode when Jerry goes to get his rental car and there isn't one available ("Anyone can TAKE a reservation, it's KEEPING the reservation that counts).

Theory versus real world, I guess.

I wish I were a better actress… who lets shit roll off the back and smiles when she cries inside. I wish I could hold back when some passionate compelling thought begs to be spoken when really some things are better left unsaid or won’t matter in the long run. Choosing battles? All battles are good enough for me!

I wish I could refrain from teaching, pontificating, correcting and espousing what’s right and wrong, good and bad, when opportunity arises (often). I wish I could fade into the background and not be noticed. Why can’t I whisper or be coy? Why must I jump and run instead of sashaying?

Nobody cares.

Nobody cares.

Everything's Cool.

Relax! No Biggie!

And if you’re like me and you do care… if you get excited about things (good or bad)…. You’re just a freak like me.

Where do my kind live? Are you my people?

Signed,

A Dog playing with Cats

P.S. Check this out for inspiration: STEPHEN COVEY'S 90/10 PRINCIPLE

I'm working on a project for a friend. It involves typesetting a book with photos to self-publish... a book that was written by my friend's friend in her last year of life. Although the writer was sick, she was blessed with enough good days in her final year of the cancer to write with love of all her travels and fond memories, beginning with the earliest childhood experiences she could recall. Interestingly, she never completed the part of her life story from her cancer diagnosis (as if it were insignificant). And what a lovely celebration of a life to focus on the lived experiences, not dwell upon its ending. Her beloved life partner will treasure this book, and so will her friends and family. I have many hours left on the project... but it got me reflective.

This woman (and I did not personally know her) took every chance to live. When she met someone in another country and had a chance to go dirt bike riding, she seized it fearlessly. When she made friends at a bar, she'd go on a date with a guy she just met. These are examples of opportunities we may all be presented from time to time. Are you adventuresome? Would you just "go" and "do"?

I ponder a few times I engaged the unknown for a chance to experience. I was about 16 at the beach with my girlfriend and met a couple of guys who brought their Hobie Cat boat to the shore. They asked us if we'd like to go on the boat with them and we did. We ended up so fricken far from our spot on the beach, we got a little scared (I bet it was 25 miles)... so we asked them to take us back. They did. But I remember later telling my girlfriend that we were a bit stupid to run off like that... could have ended up dead, who knows. No I.D., just bikinis. Jesus. And really, since 16, I almost always made safer choices.

I traveled alot on business in the 90's. Just domestic. But I got to go to high end places like Scottsdale, AZ... Palm Springs, CA... and big cities like NYC and Indianapolis - with a corporate credit card and usually strapping handsome salesmen who looked out for me during the trips. Traveling at trade shows and being the marketing girl demonstrating products, meant lots of pick-ups. God, so many people f*ck around when they travel. I never did... and I had many times and enough wine in me I could've. But I staved it all off in favor room service if I didn't have a "group" dinner, and a good book I brought along on the trip. No regrets there. BUTTTT....

I could have gotten closer to the breath of the tigers in innocent ways... maybe engaged some interesting people -- sightseeing, dinner, and called it a night. I didn't ever want to give a message of availability, so even "just friends" type of approaches were rebuffed by me. Most of the women I ever traveled with thought I was crazy to miss opportunities to see and be seen as they all did. They were seasoned and cool. I was pretending to be seasoned and cool... and really very square.

I think if I were to write the story of my life, the pages of exciting travels and places and people would be mostly blank. And I ponder that with a tad bit of sadness. My stories would instead be of life lessons and things somewhat esoteric and philosophical... my observations, my contemplations, my angst, and my victories of the soul, the significance of children and love, and home and meaning of life -- perspective. I have lived more than half my life... and it has been a quest for knowledge and contributing in meaningful work, and of course, to love and give.

I'm sitting here wondering why I didn't go to Europe in college when it was offered... because something else called me here. I am sitting here wondering if putting all the money into my walls of home should have been disbursed into some business investments (there were plenty of chances)... or really risked some of the conservative employment choices I made when I had such an entreprenuial spirit and fearlessness back when. (as that song goes, "If I were a sculptor, but then again, No")




Maybe I should have ridden the Ferris Wheel instead of looking at the crotchedy old carney operating the ride and thinking it wasn't safe. Maybe I should have held myself out for greater things and not settled for safe.

And yet... being 46 (I think of myself as a young 46, perhaps even "stunted" for my youth was lost so early to work and home so early).... maybe there is still hope for me?

I probably sound like a classic case of midlife crisis.

There is so much stuff inside of me. So much passion and zeal and ambition. And I am frustrated.

My question for you is one you've seen before: If you knew you could not fail, what is it you would do?

Tell me.

And if you could look into a crystal ball and see your future.... what does it show you?

Are you hopeful?


Did you miss the boat?


Any regrets?


Discuss.


xoxoxo

Beloved Friends,

I need your help.

I'm an equal opportunity OFFENDER. That means anyone in my path is subject to my abusive ways. I'm not sure if this ugliness about me comes through my blogging (does it?)... I'm aware of my persona, I think, but I guess I need to be MORE aware and start caring a little more.

OK, so... someone I love told me I have to "lighten up". I take things too seriously, get mad over little things, I leave dead bodies strewn about the landscape with verbal attacks when I am criticized. Every issue is important to me and I'm always ready for a fight or a debate. Things are often about ME and not about US (whoever "us" may be) and being right always takes precedence over getting along with others.

I think pretty much that sums up the truth about me. It's not hard to get a rise out of me. Just wind me up. You'll get fists. Scowls... fast reaction and a quick wit to return verbally what comes at me.

Some would say it's an insecurity of sorts. Oh bother... who the hell isn't insecure (<--see! There it is again! The "attitude" coming out again)

I'm well aware that this character trait about me doesn't mesh well with the peace & harmony agenda of Planet Earth, which of course permeates business, personal relationships, dealings with the public -- pretty much all of daily living.

I know I can't "buy" a sense of humor and light heartedness (cuz if I could I would). I do wish there was a reform school for people like me.... hardheaded women. I first noticed my evil ways in business when I would come up against opposition about something in which I believed was right and good. Rules of decorum were usually broken and sometimes even with some sick glee inside of me.

If things are going too smoothly in any aspect of life... well, you can count on me to stir the pot and create chaos, where I emerge on some journey of corrective action... leading the pack into new ways.

I'm sure this is all very psychological... but for now, let's not go through a review of my effed-up childhood or significant life events to find what went wrong in my early years to make me such a freak. Suffice it to say, I'd like to NOT psychoanalyze this and instead, find some coping mechanisms and new habits and approaches to every day living. I would like a FAST-TRACK to improved behavior.

I need advice.

For example, when I am at a restaurant and I need a napkin and the waiter is no where in sight, I'm the type of person to jump up, go behind a counter or in the kitchen (employees only area) and get what I need. This makes people with me a little nervous, which I understand... I'm jussayin, this is what's wrong and the very types of behavior that need to be softened. They are habits and they are deeply ingrained.

I kinda yell, too.

I think hanging up the phone as appropriate action when someone says something I don't like.
Or saying "F you," when someone is rude (which I realize "f you" is also quite rude). But that isn't nice to say to mother, so to speak. Or a boss, or a clerk at the gas station.

Charm school for grownups?

A book about finding peace and humor?

Googling the key phrase, "how to lighten up"?

Any suggestions?

Sigh.

Signed,

Chuckles the Clown

Do not make me join the ranks of the jaded who no longer care. I loathe the shoulder-shruggers of the world.. the followers whose lazy brains do not invent or feel. Those who dummy down, who numb their pain thereby numbing the joy, who deny really living because of the risk, who refuse to fight, who would rather snooze than live in the moment.

Stand up for something! Right or wrong, no matter…. FEEL it, become it, DECIDE dammit. Even the bible has something in it about being neither hot or cold. To be just lukewarm is to be unworthy and to be spit out.

I would rather be disliked, labeled difficult, ALONE in my room, than give up.

I have chosen wrong battles often... and for the majority of the time, I have lost them. But I will not be defeated!

I care!

Somewhere... there is a place for me where I am welcome.

"You're too emotional."

"Big boys don't cry."

"I'm not going to deal with you if you're going to cry."

Etc. Etc. Etc.

Somewhere in our youth, or maybe long ago in history, it was decided by some important people and became a social norm that displays of emotions are bad. BAD! Ya hear me? And so... we grow from innocence of childhood (in which all our feelings are unfiltered and openly expressed) into "grownups" who stifle it. And we survive and we bear pain and we bravely go through life denying much of what lies underneath. And as we do this, so comes along little tiny ramifications from that... oh, little things, like alcoholism, bitterness and anger, sarcasm, cancer, headaches, etc. etc.

This is a blog post that proposes a kinder, gentler view.

When we laugh, I mean really crack up, nobody points a finger and goes... "Oh my God, your laughter is interrupting this conversation.. stop it and pull yourself together!" Usually, we welcome such display of emotion and pause while someone collects themself from the giggles and we don't judge. Contrast that... if a friend is telling a story that has a sad part, say, they ran over a turtle in the road and killed it on their way to work... and a few tears drop... you can usually deal with that discomfort, but even so, it is LESS accepted than the laughter scenario. Too raw! We don't like to see people in pain because it affects our sense of balance.... so we tend to try to make it better. We don't want it!

Another scenario... let's say you are arguing with someone or hurt and you need to tell the other person how you feel. Crying or negative emotion is often met with rejection, judging, and refusal to face it. And so many times, people just forgo even trying to communicate, they shut down. And a vicious cycle ensues of repressing and suffering alone. Or maybe you end up on the counselor's couch or at a friend's house with a glass of wine -- a safe place to express emotion where someone will listen and care. Counselors and best friends know that tears are like laughter through a conversation, let it roll out, and sometimes it clears up one or two sentences later.

I had an intellectual debate the other night over drinks with friends. Someone said we choose our emotions... that we decide our view on something and whether to be sad or not. While it's true we can psych ourselves out to modify feelings, the truth is that they are either simple or complex physiological responses that we do NOT control. Feelings are never right or wrong, they just are.

The dictionary says this to defin EMOTION: 1.A mental state that arises spontaneously rather than through conscious effort and is often accompanied by physiological changes; a feeling [dictionary.com]

I know many of you have a sense of who I am from my many years of blogging. I am an emotional individual who is very much in touch with the inner world. Some would describe me as "wearing my heart on my sleeve" - I'm a pretty easy read as to how I'm feeling - very open. Although sometimes I am often perceived by others as emotionally "fragile," such is not the case. Just because you freely express what's inside in all honesty does not mean you don't have control. It means you are less inhibited than others to show what is inside of you to the outside world.

I believe that relationships would be enriched by the release of feelings, more sharing, and an openness that encourages emotional display rather than concealment and control. Truth is exposed by sharing. Compassion is learned when we witness another's pain. Love should be active and rich with expression of ALL things.. the good, the bad, even the ugly. And raw, deeply-felt emotion is truly an indicator of individual or relationship wellness. It is a guiding force. We should explore our own feelings daily (meditatively) and use them to help us to making life changes when things aren't in balance.

Emotions are universal. Everybody feels. And we feel regardless of age, socioeconomics, or any demographic that separates us. Then why deny what is real? And yet our culture discourages. It seems to me it is a more difficult life experience to be "emotional" than stoic. You put yourself out there and there is less compassion and understanding than should be in the world.

But despite the harder road taken... I cannot imagine a different existence than the authentic one, the emotional one, the communicative one that has hope for human connection, compassion, and love. Honest, true, in touch. Can you imagine a world in the future if we embraced this idea wholly as a human race?

That's what I say.

Do you welcome solitude... time alone to allow what's inside of you to surface? Or, in constrast, do you create or engage the world so full of opportunities, overscheduled and chaotic? If things are going well, do you cherish the chance to rest when nobody is demanding? Or do you instead stir up the things and people around you to create more activity, seeking greater stimulation and opportunities?

Does activity enliven you? Or do you feel "at home" in the spirit of quiet where you can just be? Whatever your preference, it may not be known to those closest to you. Sometimes the busiest people actually NEED and thrive on the quiet... like I do. Appearances aren't always what they seem... A person who is gregarious and seemingly extroverted may wear that mask because his or her job requires it, people expect that, etc. Oh I am so good at playing parts in my world. But that is not the real me, where I am most comfortable.

And then there is now... in the quiet. My music, my beloved blog, the freedom to be without having to be "something" or "someone"... a place of acceptance and flow, without judgment. And just enjoying this wholesome feeling of being OK with me. Anything goes.

My mind is on fire with so many thoughts and dreams and creativity. To some, it seems indulgence to engage the quiet. I hear so often that I need to just "go" "do" "live it" and don't question, inquire, or analyze. Time spent "just thinking" doesn't produce measurable outcomes, some say - like folded laundry, or memos that need sending, or a crowd of people watching a football game eating chips and dip, or any tangible thing. That's what they all say...

Oh they do not know the beauty of the quiet.. or what "MY" quiet means to me. I indulge for a time before a superbowl party this evening. I long for this. Time feels stolen and all mine, sneakily divine when I know I should be grading papers or sorting the hamper contents. I am alone. I am in the quiet... and sometimes I think this old familiar place (my imagination) is somehow going to spark solutions and awakenings, but that rarely ever happens, except sometimes it does. But today, right now... I just want to listen to lyrics and instruments and feel OK against the tide of a world that often feels so oppositional.

I am prayful today. In that way, my sadness rises. I don't understand the sadness and why lately it is everpresent within me. It is an energy, but it isn't bad. It isn't a bad thing... it is gentle and real and guiding. I am focused. I am in touch but not necessarily related to things ever so important. I know I want to find meaning in things not right around me. I am inspired through the sadness. I welcome whatever it is to try to understand it and work through it. Today, I can't put my finger on any one thing.

Sleepy, dreamy, contemplative, open.

Do not dismiss the quiet as a place to avoid.

Take off your shoes. Why do people wear shoes in the house? If it's cold, then slippers. If not, barefeet. Be comfortable. Coffee or tea isn't just for the morning, it's great like now.. after 3:00. Rest. Sleeeeeep.... poppies.

Do you have someone in your life with whom you can lay on a bed and both look up at the celing and just talk... or not talk... talk about nothing, just be in the quiet, hearts aligned, reveling in life experience without drama or activity, simply the relationship? Why can't we have more of this in our world?

Something about Sundays seem to give us permission to be in the quiet. End of the week and a day of rest... even God said it. Decades ago, no stores were open on Sundays... not grocery stores, not the mall... we were forced to stay home. Some of us remember... some of us practice a day of rest or at least a few hours.

Soon I will flurry about my room to put on make up and go to a party, but these last precious moments of quiet I claim for only me.

I hope you'll find some quiet for you and realize its beauty. Don't be fast to dismiss its value to the wholeness of living.

Do you reflect upon your past year’s experiences this time of year? Do you buy into the New Year’s Resolution bit? I’m into it this year…

I do, hereby, declare my life my own. I welcome love and friends and beauty into it and am ready to receive blessings. I want to give of my heart greater than I ever have… sans harsh judgments and without fear. I want to love without expectation of requite. In 2011, I am going to kick ass and be my personal best.

I've now lived without a man for well over two years.

I lived through November 1st without tremendous emotion... that would have marked a 24th wedding anniversary... there were so many sweet sweet years. I did take some time to reflect on what was and what is, taking in the whole of it and particularly where I am headed in my independence. So much of this includes finding forgiveness of self... accepting that you can never go home again, so to speak. Past is past. Need to focus on building again.

Most of my friends say to me that for someone who shares and exposes a great amount of inner reflections about almost every subject in the human experience , I haven't been so openly expressive about the divorce thing all this time. Take my blog for example... it's pretty void of a lot of discussion about the divorce. Isn't it? I guess that's because the journey is so very confusing and complicated for me that attention focused on progressing forward.

A great term in Gestalt psychology is "cognitive incubation," which means simply that we have a natural way of problem-solving and we use incubation as a stage in the process. Specifically, when we are unsuccessful in getting an immediate solution to a problem, sometimes we set it aside, removing it from conscious thought and no longer think about it. What happens, however, is that the unconscious is at work and solutions are considered, despite the individual’s lack of awareness of the process. Now, two years later... I can see that all along I have been working through much inner conflict.

But wait... this isn't a blog post about all that deep shit, although methinks I don't know how to NOT be deep. I want to sort of lightheartedly tell you some of the things that suck and don't suck about being divorced. I got to thinking about this topic tonight while I was sitting on my bed practicing a new fingering pattern on my guitar (very exciting and I feel so gifted when I get a new technique flowing).... BUT THEN when I leaned back against the wall where my curtains were hanging, I apparently pulled on them, causing the whole friggen support and rod to come crashing down (again). I looked at the half-assed nail hole with the stud I tried to use to get it to hold in the wall. It's definitely a "chick's" attempt at guy's work. I know that sounds sexist (sorry), but for me, I'm pretty handy but I tend to jerry-rig shit because I don't have drills and guy stuff... heck, the heel of my pumps makes a damn good hammer in a pinch.

Being divorced, I have only a tool kit I got for free at a real estate closing a number of years ago... they're not even real tools... cheap stuff. I decided I'm going to buy me a tool kit. So, one thing that sucks about divorce is that I don't have access to tools or a man I could nag the hell out of to do handyman crap. As of right now, I can list probaby 20 things needing done around here that I do not have the strength, or a tall enough ladder, or the interest in tackling (except that I will.. I know I will.... who makes it happen? I do). So... point is, that's something that sucks post-divorce.

My son is moving out soon. He's 20. He's graduating and probably going to finish his higher degree in Canada. Sigh, my idealist, peace-passionate, liberal/socialist son is unhappy in this country where the promised land failed to provide him evidence of the American Dream. It really sucks that my divorce has influenced his thinking... Oh, sure... this is a much longer discussion. Let me say... my children are overall BETTER and STRONGER because of the divorce, but the sort of reality they have entered has its intensely sad downside. With his leaving and knowing Kelly will be shortly behind him in leaving the nest, I cannot begin to tell you the gasping adrenal pumping fear I feel (not always, but alone in the dark -- sometimes) of becoming that eccentric old woman living alone with her books and chihuahuas and playing sad songs on a guitar. Although, in some sick way, that sounds lovely.

Another thing that sucked about divorce ended up being a cool thing. FEAR was paralyzing. I had to learn to go places alone... parties, art galleries, events that people usually attend with a date. I have overcome that fear and rather enjoy being my own designated driver. I meet new people and make friends easily... in fact so much so, I have to keep them at bay because I do prefer a loner lifestyle. I'm learning to balance social life, or at least HAVE one. Sometimes I force myself to get dressed and out there. And I've learned to enjoy doing many things alone that I used to do with another (going to the movies alone is wondrous).

I really like that I can flip a finger to tradition now. I am known to go to bed at odd hours (in fact 2 AM is my usual bedtime)... so making dinner for the kids at 10 at night works great since we are all night owls. I really like that MY WAY is acceptable and nobody criticizes it. If the kids want cereal for dinner... fine. I don't have someone telling me I'm working too much or too hard or that my priorities are 'effed up. I am defining what's good for me.

What sucks about being divorced is that nobody is here to scratch my back. Literally. I bought two wooden back scratchers. Nobody is here when I writhe in my satin sheets alone. (Did I just say that?) Heck, even marital sex after two dozen years was convenient. And I say that purely from a industrial perspective.... I can be so crude, no? I do miss some of the things that aren't always available. And to be even more candidly truthful... my opposite sex relationship skills are that of a 16 year old because let's face it... if you marry young and aren't single again until your 40s, you have no clue about any of that stuff. Bumbling mumbling goon I can be... and I now see how my mother says (after the death of daddy now 10 years)... "I'm not going through all that shit again with another man... And no man's dirty feet are gonna be on MY couch. I've served enough sandwiches to a man layin' around watching football." God I laugh at her reality. She has emerged a strong independent woman with a grand sense of humor and a strength nobody ever knew she had until she was alone.

Sigh... I am a romantic. You know this. And I am 45 and there's a certain reality that grabs you by the balls (yes, i have those brass things)... that says to you.... Make your own way. Nobody is going to rescue you, dream about you, fix your flat tire. So I make sure I have AAA car service and I check MYSELF that the doors are locked at night, and I drag the garbage can to the edge of the sidewalk when I'm dressed in heels, and I pay the little Vietnamese man with the big straw hat $15 to cut my lawn, and carry my own groceries, and I nourish my soul with song and books, and I try to keep a sense of humor. I take care of me with no expectation that someone is there upon whom I can depend.

I am tarnished and flawed... but seasoned and stronger. I have lost so very much (particularly financially), but somehow I am still in one piece.

Perhaps of all things post-divorce, my dissertation research is my immediate quest. I feel powerful in what the future holds for my research project and the publishing opportunities with it. I feel that soon it will be "my turn"... for good things. Another season.... and a stronger me.

I love so very deeply... the few in my world. I have to say that there are significant forces around me who have saved me from myself through this process (my self-loathing ways)... and some of you are reading this... knowing it is you I appreciate.

God there is still so far to go to become whole. These thoughts tonight only touch the surface of the many things I ponder....

I just changed my ringtone to Night Fever by the Bee Gees. And while I have no doubt that the Snarky Mavis Sideburn (among others) will have something cutesy to say 'bout that, I am interested to know what your ringtone is. Maybe it's stereotyping or psychobabble... (or maybe I just don't don't feel like doing important work in this moment so I'll blog instead).... but I do think you can tell a lot about someone from their ringtone. Post yours -- why did you pick that sound? and let's interpret....

So here's the thing... Things have changed people. And if you're sitting there with a Starbucks double latte mocha in hand at your desk reading this on your big wide-ass monitor that got you to this blog site at flying DLS or fios speed playing this video (excellent, BTW... from Phil Collin's farewell tour in Paris in 2004).... Consider yourself lucky. Our country's economy has truly changed what is real for so many Americans.

I remember when my beloved father was alive... I was a V.P. for a NYSE company and I had just had one of my infamous battles with the company about something so big & important (so it seemed at the time)... and I shared with daddy a fear of... one of these days pushing the envelope so far I'd be fired and without a job. I'll never forget his reply... "Pfft... This is America. You'd snap back and get another job. Do you ever see anyone starving to death HERE where we live? Have you ever seen anyone starving to death? Of course not! So relax a bit..." he said.

Fast forward my life through a job layoff, a divorce, a foreclosure and personal bankruptcy... a few years later... kids going off to college, starting new jobs/business, getting a new home... all that... and oh, the many nights so very alone running the numbers... and figuring out calendar dates when a mortgage payment might hit the bank account a day before the pay check goes in... or how I'm going to pull off a decent enough Christmas party outfit... etc. I never was starving, but I sure can write you a tale of suffering that "seems so bad"... but I have been lucky, for I have never been starving. Maybe I had to wait a week to buy groceries (still today), but there was always something to eat.... stilll cheese in the fridge. At least I always had food and a roof and a car.

People are starving out there. They really are. OK OK... yea, there are a lot of people who DON'T TRY... but I'll bet you a huge percentage really are down & out due to circumstances. I'm one of the people everyone yells at because I give the loose change and a few bucks to a panhandler. You never know who is an angel. You never know if you really make a difference in the tiniest ways.

I was driving home from the grocery store this evening. I had carefully shopped for the week (and I can do it for the three of us for a little over $100 a week now)... and with my bigass car filled with packages, I drove behind the grocery store to hit the service road... a short cut. Behind there are the big dumpsters the stores use. I saw a family there... a skinny man standing in the dumpster passing thrown-out food to his partner. There were flies all over the place. They were pulling together some food for themselves. And I drove away.... remembering what daddy once said,... how different things are today.

And that makes me very sad. This great wonderful country where opportunities are supposed to exist for each of us... today, not so much. And faith is becoming lost. And many of us are frightened. And our teenagers didn't see the high times we did in the 80s and 90s... and they don't remember times better than these.

And my son, who is getting his associates degree in a month and a half... is pondering "why bother" to get the Bachelor's degree.... doesn't seem to make much a difference any more or have value in the marketplace. Sigh.

And yet... we still have so many choices and resources around us. We just need to put things in perspective.

I dunno... I'm sitting here blogging... sad, but still hopeful. And I guess that's all for today.

I was recently in the grocery store and passed by a pyramid display of huge jars of pickled pig's feet. The jar was $15 and contained like a dozen of these things. Although it looked like a fermented science project, this is considered a food product.

Help me understand this. Um.... the feet have nails and hoofs. This is a carcass. Did someone one day lick their lips looking at a piggy on a farm and go, "NOW that shit 'ould make some fine good eatin'?"

Does one simply BITE into the flesh? A friend told me that on a drunken dare, he bit into one of these bad boys and ended up puking. Said it was like eating a human arm.

Have any of you an acquired taste for this? Do you eat it ALL or spit out the nails and bones? Do you put ketchup on it? Cook it? WTF..

Please educate me.

Hypothetical: You are sexually attracted to (or, if not conscious of... simply have chemistry with) someone with whom you interact on some frequency (e.g., a co-worker, a best friend's spouse, a neighbor, a former lover, whatever) but you are committed to someone else. Or, someone is sexually attracted to you with whom you interact regularly and you strongly sense it. On a conscious level it would be inappropriate to "go there" and maybe you haven't... Simply, something unsaid (but felt) is there between you. Maybe you taunt and tease... flirt, play but not touch... that sort of a thing. Maybe you even go to the edge a bit... chatrooms, text private jokes... etc. A heat is ever-present and you feel it, or he/she feels it, or you both feel it. Often in such cases, other people are aware of it, too.

Question: If your partner was attuned to the hypothetical situation with this sexual source and asked you curb your interaction with the person or give up the friendship all together (e.g., because the partner is insecure or feels threatened or senses danger)... would you honor your partner's request and curb your behavior? Would you be mad at your partner for "not trusting" you? Would you acquiesce/not acquiesce OR, instead fight for your independence to have any friends you want without their consent and tell them to "get over it"?

Another question: If your partner is the one with a lusty friend and you are the person who witnesses/senses the flirtations... would you feel concerned that temptation would lead them astray? Would you want to step in and do something to affect/minimize your partner's personal relationship with the other? Would you admit jealousy, would you ask your partner to dis his/her friendship with the lusty other? Or at least curb flirtations?

And More Questions: What if one partner asks the partner to cool it with the sexual source and the other partner REFUSES to cool it? Is this a breakdown of the relationship? Or is the one asking the other one to cool it simply a controlling baby?

Do any of these scenarios resonate with you?

I have not two, but three female friends who are living this dilemma right now, in which their male counterparts are engaging in some sort of private fun exchanges with a third party. Each of my friends is in relationship hell right now.

I can see the differing views on this: On one hand, how dare anyone tell a person who they can and cannot be friends with... right? If you're secure in your love, nothing should threaten your relationship. On the other hand... if a beloved senses danger and is hurting because of it... shouldn't there be some effort to recognize a problem exists that would be worthy of discussion, negotiation or attempt to mediate the problem?

Have you ever had this sort of a problem on either end of this spectrum? What happened? What did you do? What WOULD you do?

Remember the movie, When Harry Met Sally? It raised the philosophical question if men and women can be friends without there being sexual undertones. Here's the dialog. Please read and discuss...

Harry Burns: You realize of course that we could never be friends.
Sally Albright: Why not?
Harry Burns: What I'm saying is - and this is not a come-on in any way, shape or form - is that men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way.
Sally Albright: That's not true. I have a number of men friends and there is no sex involved.
Harry Burns: No you don't.
Sally Albright: Yes I do.
Harry Burns: No you don't.
Sally Albright: Yes I do.
Harry Burns: You only think you do.
Sally Albright: You say I'm having sex with these men without my knowledge?
Harry Burns: No, what I'm saying is they all WANT to have sex with you.
Sally Albright: They do not.
Harry Burns: Do too.
Sally Albright: They do not.
Harry Burns: Do too.
Sally Albright: How do you know?
Harry Burns: Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.
Sally Albright: So, you're saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive?
Harry Burns: No. You pretty much want to nail 'em too.
Sally Albright: What if THEY don't want to have sex with YOU?
Harry Burns: Doesn't matter because the sex thing is already out there so the friendship is ultimately doomed and that is the end of the story.
Sally Albright: Well, I guess we're not going to be friends then.
Harry Burns: I guess not.
Sally Albright: That's too bad. You were the only person I knew in New York.

AND... later in the movie,


Harry Burns: Would you like to have dinner?... Just friends.
Sally Albright: I thought you didn't believe men and women could be friends.
Harry Burns: When did I say that?
Sally Albright: On the ride to New York.
Harry Burns: No, no, no, I never said that... Yes, that's right, they can't be friends. Unless both of them are involved with other people, then they can... This is an amendment to the earlier rule. If the two people are in relationships, the pressure of possible involvement is lifted... That doesn't work either, because what happens then is, the person you're involved with can't understand why you need to be friends with the person you're just friends with. Like it means something is missing from the relationship and why do you have to go outside to get it? And when you say "No, no, no it's not true, nothing is missing from the relationship," the person you're involved with then accuses you of being secretly attracted to the person you're just friends with, which you probably are. I mean, come on, who the hell are we kidding, let's face it. Which brings us back to the earlier rule before the amendment, which is men and women can't be friends.

***

A real man is a woman's best friend. He will never stand her up and never let her down. He will reassure her when she feels insecure and comfort her after a bad day.

He will inspire her to do things she never thought she could do; to live without fear and forget regret. He will enable her to express her deepest emotions and give in to her most intimate desires. He will make sure she always feels as though she's the most beautiful woman in the room and will enable her to be the most confident, sexy, seductive, and invincible.

No wait... sorry... I'm thinking of wine.

It’s wine that does all that.......

Never mind.

I have a few good friends with whom I am close enough to really be honest -- I'm talking sans ego and at depths beyond dangling conversations. You know who you are if you're reading this -- I love you. To me, all of life is a mystery for us to unravel, finding an individual path towards mastery and wisdom. And we hit road bumps along the way and get "stuck" and find ourselves angry or hurt. It is so good when find connection with another or others who help us on the path.

There is great pain in "seeking". I know why "ignorance is bliss" because if you never ponder or explore, you can't get hurt. But in choosing to NOT engage... is to be numb. You might as well be a rock, or any inanimate thing. To venture and confront truth, hard as it seems sometimes, is to risk and to sometimes hurt. And I almost always choose the harder way -- the right way -- and I often get a hammer to my hand in so doing... because nothing good or worthwhile comes easy (which is why we place value on "earned" things). And when seeking-- when your efforts involve others-- they may not be coming from the same mindedness as you or receive your message with your same passion. Still, we must try to resolve differences, transcend situations, and live authentically and in communion with those around us. We must bend and compromise and we must find congruence in doing so, that we do not lose who we are within it. And we must have hope that others will pay us the same respect towards peace.

To me, it is ever so important to be authentic, even when it goes against tradition or expectations -- but this can be achieved with love and understanding when it differs with affected people. Oh, you know all the quotes, "To thine own self be true." Such grand benefits in leading a life that is genuine... but in doing so means also to be responsible and kind and thoughtful to others... to choose the high road and to be good. I think sometimes people are so busy leading their own life and truths that they forget that they are an important influence on those around them. I realize I'm being vague here, and I'm often accused of speaking in platitudes, but there is a message here I want to blog about...

I've learned in my own life, that "feelings" are worthy of attention. When we are angry or sad or even happy and light... it is extremely important to explore the root of such emotion. For within it is truth and guidance to bring us closer to leading the life we were intended to live out. Negativity is NORMAL... And underneath negativity you find hurt and underneath that, you find it's core... love. This is true. This is so true and only those who self-search will find that love is from where everything comes.

Perhaps there would be chaos in the world if couples and families were honest with one another and really laid it on the line what is felt, or what one wants or needs... to express disappointment and pain. For doing so is to TRUST others that they will care enough to respond or negotiate, or find mutual truth that is not only livable, but ideal. If we do not hurt or feel, than we are that rock or inanimate thing that is simply "indifferent". If we care, then we feel and we hurt. I feel an obligation to myself and those I love to share what's inside and communicate... and there is always hope and faith in resolve and union.

Who will stand with their feet in the fire to never give up on someone or something? Even if someone has to walk away because there is no meeting of the minds (business, personal relationships, whatever)... can't we still find respect and love and forgiveness in letting them go -- isn't that still loving them? I believe we can! Good always wins.

The truth is the only place in which to live.

I read an interesting quote in a psychology article that speaks to the primal urge for living out truth...

The average two-year-old is a great beacon for emotional health, displaying a full range of emotions and moving beyond them once they are expressed.

How wonderful that our human nature is to be honest and OK with who we are to express it.

Express Yourself!

I will always speak out on things important and you will never wonder what my position is on any issue. If something isn't working in a relationship, I will not sleep or eat until I make my best effort to soul-search and either find my blame or express my truth to another. I do not care if I appear humble (and thereby weak?)... it is my core value to find truth... to come from light without subterfuge or manipulation.

We are all children with raw emotion and hurts and anger. And that's quite all right. The few people in our world who know us... truly know us.... serve as reminder that underneath it all is something beautiful and good, just as we see in them.


Madonna - Express Yourself [Video]
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